Ep 3: Why You Will Choose the Wrong Person with Jourdan Blue
Apr 20, 2020
auto_awesome
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Jourdan Blue discusses why individuals often choose the wrong partner in relationships. Topics include analyzing divorce rates, navigating relationship challenges, impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships, and choosing the right partner for a strong relationship.
Choosing partners based on childhood love patterns, perpetuates unhealthy dynamics.
Childhood attachment styles impact adult relationships and contribute to repetitive patterns.
Adopting a growth mindset, seeking professional therapy, and effective communication enhance relationship success.
Deep dives
Understanding the Amago Relationship Pattern
People often seek partners who reflect the love patterns witnessed in childhood. The Amago theory suggests that individuals hold onto past experiences of love, comparing new relationships to their childhood definitions of love. The tendency to pursue partners who match these familiar patterns can lead to relationships that confirm existing beliefs rather than challenging them. Thus, understanding and recognizing these patterns can illuminate why certain dynamics feel 'right' despite being unhealthy or inconsistent.
Impact of Attachment Styles on Adult Relationships
Childhood attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant, strongly influence adult relational behaviors. Anxious individuals seek constant reassurance and closeness due to past emotional deprivation, while avoidant types tend to suppress emotions and create distance to protect themselves. These ingrained styles shape how individuals navigate romantic relationships, often perpetuating patterns established in childhood. Acknowledging and addressing these attachment styles can help foster healthier relationship dynamics in adulthood.
Resolving Conflict Through Growth Mindset and Therapeutic Support
Couples facing relationship challenges can benefit from adopting a growth mindset, prioritizing mutual growth and improvement over immediate fixes or blame. Seeking professional therapeutic guidance, particularly from couples therapists proficient in attachment work, can offer valuable insights and tools for overcoming conflict. By understanding personal sabotage patterns, choosing growth-oriented approaches, and learning to communicate effectively within the relationship, couples can navigate common obstacles and strive towards long-term relational success.
Impact of Childhood Attachment Styles on Adult Relationships
Adult relationships are heavily influenced by childhood attachment styles. Individuals tend to carry forward defense mechanisms and behaviors from childhood into their adult relationships. An example is how avoidant individuals may exhibit hot and cold behavior, leading to insecurity in their partners. Specific attachment styles like anxious and avoidant tend to attract each other, perpetuating a cycle of emotional defense mechanisms and insecurities.
Building Healthy and Successful Relationships
Creating a successful relationship involves understanding and addressing attachment styles. Secure attachment, where individuals feel loved and secure, is the goal for healthy relationships. Communication, vulnerability, and validating each other's perspectives are key elements in fostering secure attachments. Couples in the 20% that succeed in relationships actively work on understanding and managing triggers, choosing compatibility, and prioritizing growth mindsets over victim mentalities to build lasting partnerships.
In this episode, your host Zach Beach interviews couples therapist Jourdan Blue on: Why You Will Choose the Wrong Person.
Get a special offer at: https://jourdanvirginia.com/zach
Learn more about your guest at:
https://jourdanvirginia.com/
instagram.com/thejourdanvirginia
https://www.facebook.com/jourdanvirginia/
https://lovehacksradio.com/begin
Jourdan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a relationship expert for young adults.
She is the creator of Love Hacks, which is a Podcast, Couples Workshop, and a 12 Week Couples Program.
She is known as the therapist that can get any couple out of conflict and can help any young adult on the dating scene stop repeating old patterns and ensure that the next relationship is the one that lasts.
She received her masters from San Francisco State University and currently has a private practice in downtown Nashville, TN.
Learn more about your host and the show at:
www.zachbeach.com
www.the-heart-center.com
Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/learntolovenow
Join the Community group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1428012130828678/
Remember Everything You Learn from Podcasts
Save insights instantly, chat with episodes, and build lasting knowledge - all powered by AI.
