The Gently Used Human with Dr. Scott Lyons
Red Flag Couture: Dating Your Trauma Tingles
What are trauma tingles, you ask? Oh, you know them. They're those wild, exciting, tantalizing, and misdirecting feelings that magnetize you into the same shitty relational dynamics you've been dealing with your whole life.
Oof, It's wild out there in the complex realm of relationships. Sometimes we find ourselves more interested in the chase than the embrace or confusing intensity for intimacy- all the while declaring that we want and need love. If red flags feel like home and you find yourself or people you know in the merry-go-round of relationship pains, welcome to the world of trauma tingles... Let's talk about it.
In this episode, Dr. Scott Lyons chats with Kai Cheng Thom and Nkem Ndefo about red flags in dating and why trauma tingles feel irresistible. If an ordinary life feels risky and red flags cause a buzz of excitement, don't worry—this is a normal part of being human and an adaptive response to trauma. Through witnessing patterns unfolding and learning how to form safer boundaries for ourselves and others, we can heal to the point that those trauma tingles become boring and unsexy- red flag couture no more!
Topics we break down:
- How trauma tingles relate to your attachment style.
- Why dating apps can be dehumanizing.
- Communicating your needs.
- Reconfiguring relationships.
- Maintaining boundaries.
- Choosing yourself.
Kai Cheng's work focuses on the intersection of social justice, pleasure activism, and transformative approaches to healing conflict.
Connect with Kai Cheng
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Nkem is the founder of Lumos Transforms and the creator of the Resilience Toolkit.
Connect with Nkem
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Connect with Dr. Scott
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Want to see the Rorschach Drawings? Head over to the episode page.
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