Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg 3. How to Have the Hardest Conversations
Mar 12, 2025
Vernée Myers, a former vice president of inclusion strategy at Netflix, and Jay Van Bavel, a psychology professor at NYU, share insights on navigating tough conversations. They discuss anticipatory anxiety that leads people to avoid difficult topics and emphasize the importance of setting ground rules for productive disagreements. Vernée recounts how her workshops at Netflix, focused on vulnerability and sharing personal experiences, transformed the company culture, fostering empathy and reducing tensions among employees.
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Firing That Divided A Company
- Jonathan Friedland used a racial slur while explaining why complaints about offensive content mattered and was later fired.
- His firing split Netflix into two camps who argued fiercely about intent and harm.
Anticipation Inflates Fear
- People overestimate how badly hard conversations will go, creating avoidance.
- When the talk actually happens, most people are less extreme and interactions go better than imagined.
Set And Signal Ground Rules
- Establish ground rules so parties know how to disagree respectfully.
- Make those norms explicit or signal them through your behavior to keep discussions constructive.
