When shame becomes your identity | Annalie Howling | #019 Mastering Change

Often what keeps us stuck isn’t the trauma itself but the shame it leaves behind. 

This week on Mastering Change, we sit down with Annalie Howling – EMDR therapist, performance coach, and author of Unapologetic – to explore shame as one of trauma’s most corrosive legacies. 

Annalie speaks openly about her own history of violence, self-harm, and the masks she wore to stay hidden. She shares why she refuses to offer a step-by-step guide to healing – and how pulling shame “out by the root” is the only way to make room for compassion and lasting change. 

we explore

• What shame is – and why it’s so hard to talk about 
• How trauma often leaves behind a lingering stain of “I am…” beliefs 
• How shame becomes identity 
• Why people-pleasing and perfectionism are often trauma responses 
• How shame shows up in the body – especially after sexual violence 
• The cultural forces that reinforce shame in women 
• The difference between guilt and shame – and why self-compassion is the cure 

This is a fierce and moving conversation, and, for anyone who’s ever felt shame (that’s all of us), supremely validating.  

Moment of Care: This episode discusses sensitive episodes related to trauma, mental health and potential distressing experiences. If you feel triggered at any point, please take a moment to check in with yourself and seek support. 

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