Gabby Bernstein & Richard Schwartz: Courageous Love: How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Can Help Heal Relationships
Nov 26, 2024
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Gabby Bernstein, a New York Times bestselling author and advocate for Internal Family Systems (IFS), joins Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS therapy. They explore how IFS can revolutionize personal growth and heal relationships. Topics include the importance of internal dialogue, breaking the 'mono-mind' paradigm, and nurturing vulnerable parts of ourselves. They discuss practical methods for compassionate engagement and the transformative power of self-awareness in overcoming worthlessness and fostering deeper connections. Discover how courageous love can bring clarity and healing.
Internal Family Systems therapy fosters healing by promoting compassionate understanding and non-judgment of our inner parts influenced by trauma.
Accessing the core 'Self' with qualities like courage and clarity facilitates personal growth and enhances relationships through self-leadership.
Gabby Bernstein's four-step method encourages individuals to engage with their emotional triggers, cultivating self-awareness and improving interpersonal dynamics.
Deep dives
Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems (IFS) posits that each person has multiple parts, akin to members of a family, each playing distinct roles influenced by life experiences. These parts can hold valuable insights but may become dysfunctional due to trauma, forming burdens that impact overall well-being. Non-judgmental acknowledgment of these parts is essential for healing; rather than dismissing or attacking them, compassion allows for understanding and integration. Recognizing that all parts have good intentions fosters a healthier internal dialogue and lays the groundwork for healing.
The Role of the Self in Healing
At the center of IFS is the concept of the 'Self', which embodies pure presence and healing potential. This Self possesses eight key characteristics, including courage, clarity, and compassion, which are vital for effective personal leadership. When individuals access their Self, they can better operate in every aspect of their lives, including relationships. Engaging these qualities allows individuals to create a safe internal environment for their various parts, facilitating healing and personal growth.
Gabby Bernstein's Personal Journey with IFS
Gabby Bernstein emphasizes how IFS transformed her personal approach to trauma recovery, enabling her to identify and understand her parts despite initial resistance. Her experiences with trauma and therapy illustrated the complexities of inner parts that required compassionate connection. The realization that she had been practicing IFS principles without understanding them created a profound motivation to share this knowledge with others. Bernstein's new book aims to democratize the IFS practice, offering accessible methods for individuals to connect with their own parts and promote self-healing.
Developing a Compassionate Dialogue with Our Parts
A four-step method articulated by Gabby aims to facilitate an internal dialogue that encourages individuals to check in with their parts. This process involves making a conscious choice to confront emotional triggers, offering curiosity to understand those emotions, and compassionately connecting with the parts. The integration of these steps allows for a quick yet meaningful engagement with one’s emotional landscape, creating a healthier way to manage triggers and emotional responses. Over time, applying this self-inquiry can cultivate a more profound sense of self-awareness and healing.
Transforming Relationships through Self-Care
In intimate relationships, taking responsibility for one's emotional landscapes—such as ensuring one's exiled parts are cared for—can drastically shift dynamics. This model encourages individuals to recognize their triggers and the parts within themselves that seek validation and care. By embodying the perspective that they can self-soothe and communicate authentically, a supportive environment for both partners is created. This approach can reduce conflict and pave the way for deeper empathy and understanding, ultimately enhancing relationship quality.
Internal Family Systems therapy (or IFS) is transforming the field of psychology, captivating interest among professionals and laypeople alike in the relatively few years since Dr. Richard C. Schwartz first introduced his revolutionary model. Bestselling author Gabby Bernstein proclaims herself to be among the growing number of people whose lives have been improved in seemingly miraculous ways through IFS. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Schwartz and Bernstein about the unique ways in which IFS can heal and deepen our intimate relationships.
Give a listen to this empowering discussion of “Courageous Love,” exploring: breaking the “mono-mind” paradigm; uncovering the core Self; coming into full integration and aligning with the truth of who you are; being Self-led in relationships; a four-step method for engaging compassion, curiosity, connection, and choice; asking yourself, “What do I need right now?”; IFS as a devotional practice; becoming “the primary caretaker of our exiles”; the burden of worthlessness; the intensity of our protector parts; IFS for conflict resolution and the practice of speaking about our parts instead of from our parts; calling a time-out to return to calm and presence; the cumulative nature of the energy of the Self; why we need to dialogue with our parts before we try to discuss them with others; the vulnerability of courageous love; the magic of clarity; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
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