The Marriage Contract You Never Saw (But Can't Escape), with Harvard Law Alum Aaron Thomas

#582: They had it all. Six thriving children. A 40-year marriage. A household income of $200,000.

Then in her 60s, she discovered a shocking truth: he had gambled away their entire retirement savings in penny stocks. 

She had no access to their financial accounts during the marriage. After divorcing, she was left with nearly nothing. Today, she relies on her adult kids for support.

Harvard-trained family law attorney Aaron Thomas joins us for a Valentine's Day discussion about prenuptial agreements — not just as divorce insurance, but as a framework for building stronger marriages.

Thomas is a three-time winner of Atlanta's Best Divorce Attorney and a leading expert in family law. He’s the founder of prenups.com and authored The Prenup Prescription.

Thomas explains that every married couple already has a prenup by default: their state's laws. In 41 states, judges have broad discretion in dividing assets "equitably" — which might mean a 70-30 split rather than 50-50. The remaining nine states are community property states, where assets are typically split equally.

But even in community property states, determining what qualifies as joint property can spark fierce debate. For example: if you entered marriage with $100,000 in a 401(k) and continued contributing during the marriage, how much belongs to you vs. the marriage? What about a home you owned before marriage, but your spouse helped pay the mortgage?

To prevent financial surprises, Thomas recommends couples hold "annual shareholder meetings" to review finances together. He suggests creating three buckets — yours, mine and ours — with clear agreements about spending. For example, his prenup requires both spouses to approve joint account purchases over $500.

Beyond asset division, prenups can include requirements like marriage counseling before filing for divorce, or mediation if custody disputes arise. While prenups can't determine child custody or support payments, they can establish frameworks for working through conflict.

The biggest benefit, Thomas argues, isn't protecting yourself in case of divorce — it's creating clarity and communication during marriage. By having difficult conversations upfront about money, expectations and conflict resolution, couples build stronger foundations for lasting partnerships.

Listen to this episode to hear our full conversation about how prenups can strengthen marriages, prevent costly court battles, and help couples align on money management from day one.

Timestamps:

Note: Timestamps will vary on individual listening devices based on dynamic advertising run times. The provided timestamps are approximate and may be several minutes off due to changing ad lengths.

(0:00) The hidden marriage contract

(3:01) Legal definition of marriage and financial rights

(12:42) Historical view: marriage as duty vs love

(19:38) Prenups defined: financial rules for marriage

(24:20) Annual money meetings between spouses

(27:26) Why "everything is 50/50" is a myth

(35:21) How separate property becomes marital property

(39:26) Real examples: retirement accounts and homes

(44:44) State prenup vs your own prenup

(48:04) Using prenups for counseling and mediation

(55:07) Pets in divorce: property not custody

(57:30) Family loans and spending limits

(1:01:57) Financial transparency prevents disasters

(1:07:21) Community property vs equitable division

(1:10:34) Why every couple needs money agreements

(1:14:51) Postnups and no-nups explained

Resources Mentioned:

• Home - Prenups | Website
• Prenups.com (@prenupguy) | Instagram
• Book Your 30-Minute Consultation Today - Afford Anything - Prenups | Website
• The Prenup Prescription | Book

For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode582

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