This American Ex-Wife: The Podcast

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This American Ex-Wife S2 Ep6: Jane Ward

Nov 21, 2024

Guest

Jane Ward

Jane Ward, a professor and chair of Feminist Studies at UC Santa Barbara and author of The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, dives deep into the complexities of heterosexual relationships. She discusses how societal pressures and traditional dynamics often lead to emotional challenges, particularly for women. The talk also touches on the significance of parenting philosophies that champion acceptance and individuality. Humorously, she shares her personal journey into feminism, all while critiquing changing masculinities and advocating for genuine respect in partnerships.

52:57

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Episode notes

Intro

00:00 • 2min

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Exploring the Tragedy of Heterosexuality

01:37 • 2min

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Navigating Queerness and Heteronormativity

03:11 • 26min

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Exploring Identity Through Music and Parenting

29:22 • 3min

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Reflections on Choices and Relationship Dynamics

32:29 • 2min

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Evolving Masculinities and Misogyny

34:15 • 16min

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Humor and Insights on Feminism and Politics

50:24 • 3min

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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

John Gray

This book, written by Dr. John Gray, uses the metaphor of men being from Mars and women from Venus to explain the fundamental psychological differences between the sexes. Based on years of successful counseling, it helps couples transform their relationships by acknowledging and respecting these differences. The book provides insights into how men and women respond to stress, their communication styles, and their emotional needs, offering practical advice on how to communicate without conflicts and foster intimacy.

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

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Jane Ward

Jane Ward's "The Tragedy of Heterosexuality" offers a critical examination of heterosexual relationships, challenging conventional notions of love and partnership. Ward argues that many straight relationships fail to meet basic standards of friendship and mutual respect, leading to widespread unhappiness and disappointment. The book explores the societal pressures and expectations placed on heterosexual couples, highlighting the often-unacknowledged struggles faced by women within these dynamics. Ward's analysis provides a unique queer perspective, prompting readers to reconsider the assumptions and norms surrounding heterosexuality. Ultimately, the book encourages a more critical and nuanced understanding of relationships and the complexities of gender and sexuality.

This American Ex-Wife

Lauren Berlant's "The Female Complaint" delves into the experiences of women and girls within a patriarchal society. The book explores the ways in which women's complaints and expressions of dissatisfaction are often dismissed or ignored. Berlant examines the historical and cultural contexts that shape women's experiences and the ways in which these experiences are understood and represented. The book challenges traditional notions of femininity and explores the complexities of gender and power. "The Female Complaint" offers a nuanced and critical perspective on women's lives and the ongoing struggle for gender equality.

Act like a lady, think like a man

What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

Steve Harvey

In 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man', Steve Harvey shares his perspective on how men think and behave in relationships. He argues that men are driven by three key factors: who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Harvey advises women to understand these drivers and to set realistic expectations. The book includes practical advice such as enforcing a '90-Day Probation Period' before becoming intimate, understanding men's communication styles, and recognizing the importance of support, loyalty, and sex in a relationship. Harvey also emphasizes the need for women to have standards and to insist on commitment before engaging in long-term relationships.

When I first read The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward, my life was ruined.

In it she writes, “...people cannot be rescued from forms of suffering that they themselves relate to as badges of honor.”

And, “In no way do I intend to imply that couples should spend every minute together, but if we held straight couples to basic standards of good friendship—mutual respect and affection and a sense of comfort and bondedness based on shared experience—many straight relationships would fail the test.”

These are insights that will destroy you. And as if I weren’t wrecked enough, Jane Ward, herself came on the podcast to talk about Chappell Roan, raising good kids, heteropessimism and so much more.

Jane Ward is professor and chair of Feminist Studies at University of California Santa Barbara, where she teaches and writes about gender and sexual cultures. She is the author of multiple books, including The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, described by The New York Times Book Review as "a somber, urgent academic examination of the many ways in which opposite-sex coupling can hurt the very individuals who cling to it most. "

This season was generously sponsored by Funny Girls, which is a program run by the Harnisch Foundation that uses improv to teach leadership skills to girls and nonbinary kids in grades 3 to 8. You can learn more about its work here.

Zachary Oren Smith is the producer, and Suzanne Glémot made the art for the show. And thank you to everyone who shared their stories with us.

If you loved this episode, we have a whole first season you can listen to. You can also buy Lyz’s New York Times best-selling book This American Ex-Wife.

This show costs money to make! So if you want to support us, please become a subscriber to the newsletter.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lyz.substack.com/subscribe

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