97. Q&A: Help! My Husband Keeps Bringing Up The Past (And Won't Let It Go)

Is there an issue from the past that keeps coming up? Or an ongoing conflict that can’t seem to get resolved? In this episode we explore effective approaches for couples seeking to resolve long standing issues and conflicts that resurface over time. We share our advice to a couple who is struggling with an incident that happened over 20 years ago, and also share an example of where we personally got stuck in our own marriage, related to our wedding date, and how we finally came to clarity.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - Finding shared desire in resolving ongoing conflicts

(04:11) - Exploring deeper, unspoken issues in repetitive arguments

(05:18) - The role of trauma therapy in resolving unresolved emotional conflicts

(07:00) - Explicit agreements in resolving recurring issues

(08:53) - Real-life example to illustrate conflict resolution strategies

(11:02) - Understanding your partner's unspoken feelings

(14:41) - Commitment to 'abundant repair' after conflicts for deeper connection

(17:45) - Listening generously and validating your partner’s feelings

(19:53) - Fully understanding and addressing recurring issues 

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• E92: Same Argument Over & Over? Here’s What To Do
• About EMDR for trauma
• Dick Schwartz and Parts Work

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.