My Child Refuses to Listen: A Compassionate Approach to PDA

Jan 5, 2026

Laura Way, Connected Families Content Manager, and Lydia Rex, a Trust-Based Relational Intervention practitioner, dive deep into the world of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). They explain how small demands can trigger fight-or-flight responses in sensitive children. With practical strategies from the Connected Families Framework, they explore fostering safety and autonomy, coaching self-regulation, and the importance of long-term heart change over short-term compliance. Their insights offer parents hope and tools to navigate challenging behaviors with compassion.

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INSIGHT

Demand Avoidance As A Nervous-System Response

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a nervous-system profile where demands or perceived loss of autonomy trigger a stress response.
PDA often appears in autistic profiles but demand avoidance exists on a spectrum across neurodivergence and trauma.

ANECDOTE

Backfired Surprise Plan

Lydia planned a fun post-church afternoon but her child reacted explosively because they felt no autonomy.
Small tweaks to include the child in decisions allowed the plan to proceed peacefully.

ADVICE

Start With Safety And Connection

Prioritize safety and connection before correction to help regulate a triggered nervous system.
Model genuine regulation yourself by accessing peace, not by faking calm behavior.

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Happy New Year! Welcome back to another year of exciting content that we pray will leave you equipped and ready for the unique calling of parenthood you’ve been gifted with this year.

You may be wondering, “What is pathological demand avoidance (PDA)?” When your child refuses to listen, it may not be defiance but rather a dysregulated nervous system. In this most-downloaded episode of 2025, hear from Connected Families Content Manager, Laura Way, and Connected Families Certified Parent Coach and homeschooling mom, Lydia Rex, as they unpack PDA. Learn how to partner with your child through these challenging moments, using a graceful approach and practical tools from the Connected Families Framework.

Key Takeaways:

How the Connected Families Framework applies to parenting a sensitive or intense child
Simple things you can do now to support your child
Discover ways to shift your perspective and view your experience as a gift

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Guest Bio:

Lydia Rex is a registered nurse turned Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) practitioner and parent coach to families with young kids, especially those who have sensory needs or developmental trauma. No stranger to the challenges of parenting, Lydia offers empathy, encouragement, and a deep commitment to walking alongside parents through the Connected Families Framework. It’s her joy to see God’s grace healing the hearts of parents and children. Lydia, her husband Kyle, and their two kids live in Iowa, where they enjoy homeschooling, outdoor activities, and reading lots of books.

Laura Way felt like she was drowning as a young mom overseas. She thinks that God provided Connected Families for her when she needed it most. She’s thrilled to be on the team, offering hope & help to others! Laura and her husband live in Florida with their two elementary-aged daughters. In her free time, Laura loves to read in her hammock or have coffee with friends.

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