Episode 131: Mental Load vs. Over-Functioning – Naming the Real Pattern and Changing It

After four months away, I’m back — and I’m telling the truth about why I ghosted the pod. 2025 has been a snake-year of shedding: I dropped the identity of “the woman who holds it all together,” named my over-functioning for what it is, and watched my marriage hit an honest, necessary reckoning. I walk you through the spell of over/under-functioning — how it’s wired by nervous systems, patriarchy, and the overculture — and why moralizing it never changes anything. You’ll hear the experiment that changed everything for us, what “authentic functioning” looks like, and why I’m inviting you into BRILLIANT to do this work in your own life and relationships.

Workshop mentioned:

Brilliant: The Somatic Intelligence of Over- & Under-Functioning — live on Tuesday, Dec 9 at 5:00 pm US/Central on Zoom. Ticket: $99. Replay included if purchased before the workshop. Includes a special discount for the upcoming Crucible relational membership/mastermind. (See link in show notes or lindseylockett.com/brilliant.)

What we cover in this episode:

• Why 2025 became a deep identity shed—and why “over-functioner” was a survival adaptation, not the goal.
• The link between evangelical conditioning, overculture (capitalism/patriarchy), and women’s chronic over-functioning.
• Mental load vs. over-functioning: why the hashtag data misses the full pattern.
• Burnout and “survival creativity”: when output becomes self-exploitation.
• The July rupture, naming under-functioning, and beginning “purposeful under-functioning.”
• Nervous-system framing: fight/flight-dominant over-functioners, freeze-dominant under-functioners, and why dopamine hits keep the cycle going.
• Capacity audits at home and in emotions: tailor shared spaces to the partner with lower capacity in that context; slow emotional pacing to the partner with lower capacity there.
• The reframe that works: from “What’s wrong with you?” to “Why did your body choose this strategy?”—and how that breaks shame.

Instagram posts mentioned:

1. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRm85RTkcaf/

2. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRpJbERjbCN/