My guest today is Ed Center, and today we’re talking about how power shows up while parenting teens.

Ed kicks off our conversation sharing how his childhood and parenting experience led him to finding Positive Discipline, and how & where cultural wisdom and cultural trauma affect our parenting. Ed and I talk about how hard it is to pause and access our Positive Discipline tools in the moment when you are pissed, and why those moments & gaps are so important. Ed brings it back to Alfred Adler’s belonging & significance, shares a reminder that teens are craving additional autonomy, power, & significance, and explains that negative attention is significance, too. We talk about Ed’s blog post & metaphor, “Your attention is the sun,” and we agree on the effectiveness of the “when, then, walk” strategy. Ed and I dig into what can stop positive parenting strategies from working and what threatens our connection with our kids (spoiler: screens aren’t helping!).

Takeaways from the show

Passing on cultural wisdom
Not passing on cultural trauma
How do we access our Positive Discipline strategies when we are pissed off!?
Your kids can build new skills when they are feeling secure in their belonging & significance
Teens who are secure in their belonging with you start seeking belonging from other sources
Adolescents are craving additional autonomy, power, significance without accountability or repercussions
“Negative attention is significance”
“Your attention is the sun” metaphor & mantra
When, then, & walk
“Wisdom and love are slow”

For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here.

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Gli Uomini sono più violenti delle Donne? - Alessandro Barbero (Lecco, 2023)