Secure Attachments: Breaking Negative Parenting Patterns

How can practical solutions help parents in cultivating secure attachments with their children?

Parenting is a multifaceted journey filled with challenges and diverse configurations, demanding adaptability and understanding from those involved. In the CPTSD Medicine Season 11 podcast series, she explore the intricate dynamics of relationships, particularly focusing on partners of individuals with CPTSD, and extend their insights to various parenting arrangements. Drawing from her experiences, Tanner underscores the necessity of embracing different parenting approaches and addressing unresolved trauma within these relationships. She advocates for inclusivity and adaptability, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and intentional practices in parenting. By promoting secure attachments and fostering children's independence, Tanner aims to break generational cycles and nurture healthier family bonds.

Key TakeAways

- The podcast season focuses on partners of individuals with CPTSD and the importance of support in relationships.

- Understanding how to support children in getting their needs met and creating healing experiences is crucial.

- Various parenting arrangements are discussed, highlighting the complexity of family structures and the challenges they pose.

- Parenting is seen as a training ground for unburdening work, integration work, and embodiment work for both parents and children.

- The challenges of parenting include the transmission of trauma to children and breaking detrimental cycles for their well-being.

- Practical solutions like setting boundaries and providing support to partners can help parents cultivate secure attachments with their children.

Actionable Insights

- Offer healing power, high-quality time, accurate communication, and consistent support to children

- Understand different parenting arrangements and the challenges that come with each dynamic

- Approach parenting with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to unique needs

- Break the cycle of trauma transmission by providing a healing environment for children

- Prioritize children's needs over personal struggles and create secure attachment experiences

- Break detrimental cycles, manage emotional triggers, and establish boundaries for effective parenting

Quotes:

“When activated, we start to drop into Primitive Survival Instinct, Hurt Parts, Wounded Younger Parts, Aggressive Protective Parts, Collapsed Protective Parts. – We’re no longer leading [or] parenting our child from a grounded, anchored place of pure personal power.” — Tanner [16:19]

“What am I doing for my kids to break the cycle [of trauma] so that their children are trauma-free?” — Tanner [19:21]

“There’s a lot of work planning [and practical considerations] that must go into cycle-breaking parenting.” — Tanner [31:43] 

“When in distress, lean in to connect.” — Tanner [36:17]