“I can’t adult today” makes for great social media fodder. But as with all humor, there’s a nugget of truth in there. How many models do we have for adulting that is healthy, balanced, secure and relational? Our culture has sold us quite a bill of goods: Independence and “rugged individualism” as an indication that we’ve become successful adults. Perfection or mastery as the ultimate goal. Self-care has become “treat yourself”. The pop psychology idea that having boundaries means you get to tell someone else what they can and can’t do. Even the idea that objective reality not only exists but should rule over all else. The truth is, none of these concepts are serving us very well because there is a whole lot of nuance and self-attunement missing.

Terri Delaney is here to debunk all of these ideas. Disrupting our old programming won’t necessarily make life easier, but it does offer each of us more grace, a chance to heal, and the power to get out of our own way. This delicious conversation contains so much. Terri and I discuss the unicorn parenting most of us never got and why there’s still hope if we didn’t, how to use the “full apology” and why it works, and the overlap in understanding our inherent worth, our subjective realities, and having good boundaries. Terri illustrates what listening and containing boundaries look like and why protecting ourselves is our responsibility, not anyone else’s. She differentiates between wants and needs, and explains why both matter. We muse on the spiritual component of this work and why moderation is actually a form of humility. She even turns anti-dependence on its head by explaining how it’s actually a covert form of dependency in a way that might blow your mind. Join us as we unpack what it really means to operate from our functional adult selves and what a work-in-progress we all are.

RESOURCES:

Learn more about Terri Delaney and her work at relationalskillbuilding.com and terridelaney.com

Book mentioned: How to Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be by Adele Faber

You may also want to listen to episodes 18 and 25.

And if you want to dive in deeper, consider joining our Relationship Bootcamp or exploring Rebecca's offerings to deepen your relational skills and expand your self-care. Learn more at connectfulness.com

Also, please check out our sister podcast, Why Does My Partner.

This podcast is not a substitute for counseling with a licensed provider.

Mentioned in this episode:

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