32: How to Go Forward After the Loss of a Baby with April Boyd

April Boyd faced the unthinkable when her newborn daughter Nora suddenly stopped breathing at just 1 day of age. In this episode, April shares her story of going into a very dark place after her daughter died and slowly coming to the realization that she had to make a decision to claw her way out and not let her daughter’s life end as a tragedy. Instead, April chose to turn her daughter’s brief and beautiful life into a legacy. April created the Love & Loss Project to help break the isolation and silence surrounding loss.

April Boyd is a private practice therapist with clients across the globe, creator of the Baby Loss Survival Guide and the founder of the Love & Loss Project, an online comfort & inspiration station for women who have experienced the loss of a baby or pregnancy. When April is not doing the work she loves to do, you might find her on the top of a paddleboard or the side of mountain with her hunky boyfriend and her six pound Yorkie Sasha.

"We are here for a good time, not a long time." - song lyrics by Trooper

"I think so often we get caught up in so many things that pull us so many different directions, that we really forget that ultimately, our time is in fact limited and what we do with it, matters greatly. "

"The most important thing is really making the decision."

"What I was afraid of is that if I just continue to self-destruct and crumble and be lost that story that would go on to be told about my daughter and for my circle of friends and for my family it would ultimately be some version that she was reason why her mother was now a complete mess. And I did not want to allow that to become her legacy. And so I really committed to the idea that I was going to force myself back to life. I was going force myself to get back to a state of being able to experience things like joy again because that is how I needed to honor her and to make sure that the tragedy of her story really became a love story."

"First, know that you are going to go through this. And this is going to change you in some ways. But we still have control over which direction this is going to take us."

"So often, we have that tendency to just want to outrun the pain and outrun what hurts and distract ourselves and stay busy and avoid it. But I believe in many ways, that even though that it is useful at times, if that is our main go-to strategy all the time, then what we are really doing is just prolonging that agony. That which we resist gets stronger. So instead, I think we really need to give ourselves permission to open ourselves to this, to give our own selves the care and comfort that we deserve and to make our own healing a priority."

"Grief functions. It is such a magnifying glass. And it really just illuminates and brings to the surface some of our longstanding patterns, some of the longstanding pains that get in our way."

"Perfectionism is just fear in really good shoes." - Elizabeth Gilbert

"We need to burn off that tension and that stress."

"Your body is your compass. It knows your truth. It knows what feels good to you. It knows your answer."

Some of April's Favorite Things:

Personal habit: Working out.

Easy meal: Steamed kale and carrots. Mixed with almond-based dressing.

Possession: Spiralizer. Cellphone for ordering takeout.

April's Favorite Book: The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

Best advice received: "Your body is your compass. You need to tune in to what your gut is telling you and that is your guide."

April's Happiness Formula:

"Be as compassionate as possible to both yourself and others because at the end of the day, we are all just doing our best and that is going to look different one day to the next. And we really do not have any idea what someone else is going through behind closed doors. And so I think if we just kind of allow ourselves to approach life with just a bit more compassion that can save us a lot of more frustration and anger and drama."

"Be the guardian of your own health and happiness. Focus on the pieces that you can control and bring your attention to that."

"Choose joy. I do not think that happiness is just an accident. I think that it is a choice."

A Challenge from April:

"Think about the one thing that you have been avoiding. What is that thing that you have been procrastinating on, that you know is calling your name? Whether that is a class that you want to take, whether that is a change that you want to make in your work day, whether that is a conversation that you have been putting off having that you know that you need to express and get out there with somebody that you care about. Do that thing that you have been putting off doing and get it done now."