Paul Coughlin, a best-selling author and nationally recognized anti-bullying expert, discusses the issue of bullying in Christian organizations. He explores the traits of bullies, their deceptive tactics, and offers advice on how to handle bullies in ministry. He also shares insights on combating bullying in various contexts, including adolescence and the workplace. Coughlin highlights the importance of not giving away personal information and pushing back early on against bullies.
Bullies in ministry often use spiritual manipulation and deceit to harm others.
Confronting bullies requires setting strong boundaries, documenting their behavior, and seeking wise counsel.
Deep dives
Understanding the prevalence of bullies
According to Paul Cochlan, about 15% of the population are malevolent bullies who do the most harm in professions like medicine, teaching, and ministry. Most people are not bullies and respond well to gentleness, but being nice and gracious often worsens the behavior of bullies. Bullies excel at using power, both real and perceived, to inflict harm on others.
Identifying the characteristics of bullies
Bullies are generally narcissistic and exhibit arrogance and audacity in their actions. They perceive themselves as superior to others and have a penchant for antagonism. They excel at using spiritual manipulation and deceit, hiding their nefarious plans behind spiritual words and slogans. Bullies often rely on perceived power and control, deriving pleasure from dominating and harming others.
Understanding the impact of bullying
Bullying and spiritual abuse often go hand in hand, especially within Christian organizations. Bullying can lead to deep emotional and psychological damage, and targets of bullying often suffer in silence. It is crucial to recognize the harm caused by bullying and to not confuse it with conflict or misunderstood communication.
Dealing with bullies and standing up against them
Confronting bullies requires understanding that the usual rules don't work. Being nice and gracious only gives them more power. It is important to set strong boundaries and push back early and often. Documenting their behavior, seeking wise counsel, and being shrewd in exposing their tactics are effective strategies. Forgiveness is a process, and victims should prioritize their own well-being and not bear the responsibility for the bully's transformation.
Bullying is a huge issue in schools and workplaces. But what do you do when your bully is a pastor or leader of a Christian organization? Do you give a gentle word and turn the other cheek? Or, do you stand up and fight?
On this edition of The Roys Report, we’ll hear from Paul Coughlin, a best-selling author and nationally recognized anti-bullying expert, as he speaks at the Restore Conference.
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