Change the Norm: Men’s Role in Holding Each Other Accountable

Jun 10, 2024

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The hosts tackle the complex and sensitive issue of men’s violence against women, sparked by the disturbing P. Diddy video that recently emerged. They delve into the broader implications of such behavior, examining how men can hold each other accountable, how celebrity and power play in allowing this behavior, and the societal structures that perpetuate these cycles of abuse.

Jamey shares a visceral reaction to seeing women be brutally mistreated (03:11), discussing the conflicting feelings of rage and the need for non-violent responses. Liz highlights the importance of listening to women and understanding their experiences without shifting the focus to male emotions (07:37). They discuss the necessity of creating safe spaces for men to seek help before resorting to violence, emphasizing proactive education for young boys to foster respect and empathy (12:27).

Men are urged to consider their roles in preventing abuse and supporting victims, with a poignant reminder of the need for systemic change and personal accountability. The conversation closes with resources for those in need of support (see http://nomore.org) and a call to action for ongoing dialogue and education (27:48).

TIMECODES:

(01:38) P. Diddy’s violence and its broader implications

(03:17) Personal reactions and emotional impact, the human impact of witnessing such violence

(05:07) What do we do with these feelings? How do we hold men accountable?

(06:00) The effect of aggressive male reactions on female victims they love - how to be more helpful

(10:03) How power plays into men getting away with violence, men around them staying silent

(12:41) Training young boys to see women as valuable, to see themselves as gentle creatures and not violent ones

(13:35) Quick to condemn when we see it, but no serious consequences (Trump, Cosby, R. Kelly, Weinstein)

(19:51) Why women get into violent relationships and stay - “You love the person by the time they're doing it”

(23:41) The importance of videos like this spreading even though they’re horrific, and how valuable it is to talk about this

(27:48) Resources for people experiencing abuse and for men that feel like they might be violent to get help before they cause harm (http://nomore.org)

QUOTES:

"How do we hold each other accountable as men when we see other men do things of this nature?" - Jamey Heath

"We have to train our young boys to see women, to see themselves as gentle creatures and not violent creatures." - Jamey Heath

"When a woman is treated like an animal, we have to address it. We have to stop it." - Jamey Heath

"We reward men who are extremely uncaring and who get to where they're at by hurting people." - Liz Plank

"I went to a Trump rally for women and I asked, ‘What would you say to 7 out of 10 women have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump?’ And one woman's answer really stuck with me: "I think 7 out of 10 women have an unfavorable view of a lot of men. So I'm still going to vote for him." This idea that the bar is so low for what we expect from men in our society, that even women will want to put this person in power even though he is a violent person towards women.” - Liz Plank

"It's tricky because you have someone who's in a position of power who's paying people's bills. It's your job, it's your livelihood…We should say something, but I've got a family to uphold." - Jamey Heath