Beyond Words with Najwa Zebian 011- Stop Mistaking Being Used for Being Loved
In this episode of Beyond Words, I explore one of the most painful truths: when someone loves you not for who you are, but for what you give. Together, we’ll unpack how childhood conditioning makes us vulnerable to these patterns, how to tell if you’re surrounded by takers or builders, and how to begin redirecting your energy back to yourself. This conversation will help you break free from cycles of being used, reclaim your worth, and re-learn that you are deserving of love simply because you exist.
Timestamps & Show Notes
0:00 – Opening Reflections
- Why saying “you owe me nothing” is the most powerful response when someone tries to put a price on your love.
- The unique betrayal of realizing someone loved what you gave, not who you are.
2:00 – Early Conditioning
- How childhood experiences with acceptance, authority figures, and friendships shape our adult relationships.
- The learned belief: I must give to be worthy of belonging.
6:00 – I Do, Therefore I Deserve vs. I Am, Therefore I Deserve
- Challenging the belief that your worth depends on effort or sacrifice.
- Why being human is enough to deserve love, respect, and care.
10:00 – The Power of Environment
- Visualizing your “metaphorical space”: do you feel small and restricted, or expansive and seen?
- How toxic environments normalize depletion.
16:00 – Facing the Truth About Being Used
- Why it’s so difficult to admit when someone is only with you for what they gain.
- Recognizing when you’re choosing fear of abandonment over self-protection.
22:00 – Sitting With Your Feelings
- The “tea with your pain” practice: welcoming feelings instead of pushing them down.
- Why true growth comes from allowing yourself to suffer and learn, not from rushing to move on.
26:00 – Redefining Healing and Moving On
- Moving on quickly isn’t a badge of honor — growth comes from reflection and integration.
- The difference between being accepted versus being honored.
32:00 – Redirecting Your Love Back to Yourself
- Why every act of giving to others proves you can give to yourself.
- How to reclaim energy from those who only take without offering.
34:00 – Words That Found Me
- A moving Lebanese poem-turned-song, Bella (Without Anything Else), as a reminder that love should be for the soul, not for what you decorate yourself with.
38:00 – Words From Me to You
- A reading from The Nectar of Pain on giving love freely, being disappointed, and knowing that what you once gave cannot be repaid.
41:00 – Closing Invitation
- Encouragement to share this episode with anyone who needs it.
- A reminder: your worth isn’t defined by what others take — but by how deeply you choose to honor yourself.