There's a flaw in the way we choose our life partners. We pair up based (mostly) on preferences outside of the bedroom, and hope that what happens in the bedroom will match up. Infidelity is not the end of the world, it's a reality of long-term relationships. We accept the good and the bad when it comes to our partner's jobs, families, and failures, but quickly default to divorce when we yield to natural temptation.

It's time to stop fooling ourselves and accept that outdated concepts of "proper" sex are torpedoing discussions needed to reach mature sexual compromises. Many of the relationships that we think of as monogamous are actually probably 'monogomish': mostly monogamous, but with bits on the side. If we really want to protect the sanctity of marriage, we need to make it our playground, not our prison.

Dan Savage is the author of the internationally syndicated advice column Savage Love, host of the popular podcast Savage Lovecast. He is also an essayist whose work has featured in the New York Times and on This American Life. His latest book is American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics.

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