MARCUS BUCKINGHAM: What do the “happiest women in the world” get right? They tilt!
Apr 4, 2023
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Marcus Buckingham, British pop trend researcher and New York Times bestselling author, discusses the paradox of female unhappiness and the concept of 'tilting' towards joy and love. They explore the declining happiness levels among women, the importance of identifying one's passions, and choosing activities that bring fulfillment. They also discuss the power of personalized experiences and reframing competing responsibilities to bring more energy and joy into life.
The happiest women actively seek imbalance in their lives, embracing chaos and choosing to 'tilt' towards activities that bring them joy and love.
Tilting, or intentionally imbalancing our lives towards what brings us joy, leads to personal growth, resilience, and creativity.
Keeping a journal to identify activities that elicit positive anticipation and fulfillment allows us to discover our unique red threads and live a more purposeful life.
Deep dives
Discovering the Paradox of Female Happiness
Research has found that as women gain more freedom and choice in their lives, they become unhappier. This phenomenon, known as the paradox of female happiness, reveals that women experience more stress and unhappiness despite having more options available to them. The unhappiest person on the planet, according to a study, was identified as a 42-year-old female lawyer. This study prompted further research into what the happiest women were doing differently. It was discovered that these women didn't strive for balance in their lives, they sought imbalance and engaged in a practice called tilting. They focused on activities and commitments that they found meaningful and enjoyable, prioritizing their own preferences and interests amid the chaos of competing responsibilities. By leaning into their red threads, or activities that brought them joy, they were able to find fulfillment and happiness.
The Power of Tilting and Saying Yes
Marcus Buckingham highlights the importance of tilting, or intentionally imbalancing our lives towards the activities and commitments that bring us joy. He debunked the notion of striving for balance and emphasized the need to prioritize the moments and experiences that energize us. Buckingham explains that activities themselves have emotional value, and each person's red threads or moments of charm and joy may differ. By saying yes to these activities and being intentional about focusing on what brings us energy and fulfillment, we can unlock personal growth, resilience, and creativity. This shift of attention and mindset allows us to tap into the power of love and passion, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
The Importance of Identifying What Brings Us Joy
Buckingham underscores the significance of recognizing and embracing the activities that bring us joy and charm in our lives. He suggests a practical exercise of keeping a journal for a week, divided into two columns: loved it and loathed it. By reflecting on our emotional reactions and identifying moments that elicit positive anticipation, flow, and a sense of energized fulfillment, we can gain insight into our red threads. These red threads are unique to each individual, and by consistently seeking and leaning into them, we can thrive and find a greater sense of purpose and well-being. Tilting our lives towards what we love can help counter the unhappiness that may arise from an overwhelming number of choices and responsibilities.
Men and Tilting
While there is no data indicating that men are inherently better at tilting, it is plausible that societal factors contribute to women feeling more pressured to balance all aspects of their lives. Men may feel more comfortable with fewer choices and may be socialized differently in terms of prioritizing their preferences. However, the concept of tilting and focusing on red threads is applicable to everyone, regardless of gender, as it allows individuals to tap into their unique sources of joy and fulfillment in various domains of their lives.
Rehabilitating Love and the Power of Choice
Buckingham aims to rehabilitate the concept of love, emphasizing that love is not limited to personal relationships but can also be applied to work and other areas of life. By recognizing the power of choosing love and tilting towards activities that bring joy and energize us, individuals can unlock their full potential for success, engagement, and happiness. Buckingham encourages women to reject the notion that love and charm make them less powerful, arguing that love and excellence are not mutually exclusive. Ultimately, by reclaiming love as a driving force, individuals can thrive and lead fulfilling lives in both personal and professional domains.
Marcus Buckingham (British pop trend researcher, New York Times bestselling author of Standout Strengths) has researched the paradox of female unhappiness - which sees women get more miserable the more freedoms and choices they have - for several decades now (and used to contribute to Cosmopolitan magazine back when I was editor).
Specifically – and inversely - Marcus has worked to determine the thing that the happiest women are doing right. The results are jolting. Far from trying to find balance in their lives, they explicitly seek imbalance. They embrace the chaos, and the competing responsibilities and choose to “tilt” toward the stuff that strengthens them, or that brings them joy and love.
In this chat, we establish how to work out what you love, how to tilt and why it’s imperative that we do so. As Marcus says, “Your brain on love is smarter”.
You can read more about Marcus’s work here and join him on Twitter.