Aasmah Mir and Dina Nayeri discuss their experiences growing up between two cultures and the impact it had on their relationships with their mothers. They reflect on the challenges they faced and the cultural divisions they encountered. The speakers also delve into the impact of a mother's trip to Pakistan and the enriching cultural experience they discovered there.
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Quick takeaways
The author's memoir captures the struggle of navigating cultural expectations and feeling a sense of alienation while growing up between two cultures.
The author's journey to Pakistan provided her with a cultural connection and a sense of belonging, contradicting the negative stereotypes she had heard about the country.
Deep dives
The author discusses her motivation and journey to write her memoir
In this podcast episode, the author, Asma, shares her inspiration and journey to write her memoir. She explains that she felt reflective as she approached the age of 50 and wanted to capture her own story and identity. She also talks about her initial hesitation due to feeling that her story might be inconsequential, but ultimately wanted to connect with readers and have them relate to her experiences. Asma also highlights the contrast between her confident present self and a period of her life when she struggled to communicate with others. Finally, she mentions how her mother's unexpected revelations about their family's domestic situation led to the decision to also tell her mother's story in the memoir.
The author explores the cultural challenges and expectations she faced growing up
Asma delves into the cultural challenges and expectations she navigated while growing up in Glasgow in the 1970s and 1980s. She shares how she felt like she didn't fit in either the Pakistani or Scottish communities due to her mixed cultural background. Asma discusses her mother's desire for her to conform to traditional Pakistani ideals of behavior and appearance and how she often felt inadequate in meeting those expectations. She also reveals her own struggle to navigate the differences between Western and Pakistani cultures, such as her experiences with religious education and the pressure to conform to gender roles. Despite her efforts, Asma still felt a sense of alienation and longing to find a place where she truly belonged.
The author reflects on the emotional impact of her mother's absence and cultural divide
The author recounts the impact of her mother's departure to Pakistan when she was 12 years old. She describes feeling devastated and left with a father and older brother who lacked empathy. Asma shares how she experienced loneliness and social isolation at school, where classmates were told not to speak to her for an entire academic year. She expresses her strong desire to join her mother in Pakistan, even though she had a limited understanding of what the country was like. When she eventually went to Pakistan, she discovered the warmth and love of her extended family, contrasting with the negative stereotypes she had heard about the country. This experience provided her with an enriching cultural connection and a sense of belonging.
The author discusses the clash between Western and traditional values
Asma reflects on the clash between Western and traditional values that she experienced within her family. She shares instances where her mother imposed traditional expectations on her, such as modesty and conforming to cultural norms. Asma recalls incidents of sexual shaming and cultural policing, like being reprimanded for how she licked an ice cream cone or kissed a fish-shaped bottle. She discusses the challenges of assimilating into Western culture while still feeling a strong connection to her Pakistani heritage. Asma and the host, Dean Eshai, share their similar experiences of their mothers trying to navigate the complexities of cultural identity and the internal divide it created within their families.
Television and radio broadcaster Aasmah Mir speaks about her recent memoir A Pebble In The Throat, which looks at the interwoven narratives found between the experiences of her own childhood growing up in Glasgow in Scotland and that of her parents raised in Pakistan. Joining her to discuss the book is Iranian-American novelist Dina Nayeri, author of the The Ungrateful Refugee.
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