A Self-Talk Tweak to Boost the Odds of Achieving Your Goals

Apr 13, 2025

This discussion dives into the fascinating impact of self-talk on achieving goals. It reveals how replacing 'can't' with 'don't' can significantly boost motivation and success rates. The conversation also explores the gap between practice and performance, addressing issues that artists face beyond just stage fright. With insights from a study showcasing the power of language, listeners are encouraged to shift their mindset and enhance their practice experience.

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INSIGHT

Power of 'Don't' vs. 'Can't'

The word 'can't' suggests external forces prevent action, making us feel less internally motivated.
The word 'don't' implies personal choice and commitment, which feels more empowering and motivating.

ANECDOTE

Snack Choice Study

Researchers gave undergrads either a 'don't eat unhealthy snacks' or 'can't eat unhealthy snacks' strategy.
Those using 'don't' chose healthy snacks more (64%) versus 'can't' (39%).

ANECDOTE

Long-Term Commitment Study

In a 10-day health program, 80% of 'don't' group participants stayed committed.
Only 10% of 'can't' group participants completed the program, showing differing persistence.

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My daughter and I have been binge-watching past seasons of The Amazing Race for some months now, and the psychology nerd in me has become increasingly fascinated by one particular aspect of the show.

The participants’ self-talk.

As in, what do participants say when they run into a task that feels impossible or beyond their abilities?

“I can’t”

When participants start saying “I can’t,” they often stop trying and appear to be on the verge of quitting altogether. After all, “can’t” is a pretty disempowering word.

The reality of course, whether it’s eating snake meat or swimming laps in a bog or bungee jumping into a ravine, is that when push comes to shove, they discover that they absolutely can do these things.

So how much of an effect does self-talk like this have on us, actually?

Well, a 2011 study found that when participants replaced the word “can’t” with 🫢🫢🫢🫢, they were eight times more likely to achieve their goals!

Get all the nerdy details here:

A Self-Talk Tweak to Boost the Odds of Achieving Your Goals

* * *
Have you been feeling a little stuck or stagnant in the practice room? Or has performance anxiety and the gap between practice and performance been a nagging issue that hasn’t changed, no matter how well you've prepared for performances, auditions - and even lessons?

If you’ve been wanting to experience more joy in the practice room and play more like yourself on stage, but haven’t been quite sure how to make that happen, starting July 22, 2025, I’ll be teaching a live, online, accelerated 2-week class on the most essential mental skills and practice strategies that can make a difference in your practicing and performing.

We’ll meet twice a week via Zoom and work on a series of exercises and techniques in four essential skill areas (effective practice, managing anxiety, focus, and confidence), together as a group. And to make sure the concepts become consistent habits, I'll show you how to gently integrate these new skills into your (or your students’) daily practice through bite-sized practice challenges alongside a supportive group of practice buddies from around the world.

Over 2000 musicians, educators, and students and learners of all ages have participated in the course to date. You can find out what alumni are saying, and sign up to join Cohort 24 at:

bulletproofmusician.com/essentials