Reactivity, Fatherhood, and the Balancing Act of Ambition and Presence

Jeff Hittner on the invisible pressures dads carry every day—balancing ambition with presence, holding emotions they were never taught to express, feeling the weight of being a provider while wanting to be deeply connected, and silently wondering whether they're doing enough.

• 03:18 — Why dads default to fixing

• 06:10 — How conflict exposes emotional patterns you didn't realize you were repeating

• 09:27 — What happens inside your body in the first seconds of reactivity

• 12:55 — How shame hides in anger or withdrawal and shifts your parenting

• 16:40 — Why ambition and presence feel at odds—and how to hold both

• 19:12 — How the definition of "providing" can create hidden distance

• 22:03 — What kids actually need from you when they're dysregulated

• 26:44 — How small repairs rebuild connection after hard moments

• 29:58 — Why dads often hide their struggles and how vulnerability helps

• 33:21 — How real-time emotional attunement works—and what derails it

• 37:49 — What regulated fatherhood looks like in everyday interactions

• 41:30 — Why self-compassion matters more than perfect parenting

• 44:56 — How tiny daily habits build long-term emotional resilience

• 48:20 — What keeps parents stuck in reactive cycles and how to break them

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