#91 Mature Masculinity: Overcome Avoidant Attachment & Lead with Safety with Adam Lane Smith

Oct 24, 2025

59:15

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If you can crush it at work but feel lost at home, this episode is your blueprint to restore emotional safety in marriage—fast.

Attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith joins host Greg Denning to decode why so many driven men struggle with intimacy, connection, and calm at home. You’ll learn how early attachment patterns wire your nervous system for constant cortisol and how to retrain it so your wife and kids finally feel safe with you. Adam lays out the four levels of safety every husband must provide (physical, resource, emotional, bonding) and the four levels of peace a wife can return (calm, gentle speech, loyal partnership, executive co-leadership). You’ll discover practical, science-backed tools—co-regulation, oxytocin/vasopressin bonding, and negotiation frameworks—that turn conflict into teamwork and stress into stability.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur or a busy professional, you’ll walk away with step-by-step tactics to regulate your nervous system, communicate like a CEO/COO team with your spouse, and build a legacy your kids will carry for generations. If “being present,” “bonding,” and “feeling close” have felt vague or unreachable, this conversation makes them actionable.

Key Takeaways

✅ Attachment styles significantly influence how we connect with others.

✅ Men often struggle with emotional safety due to their upbringing.

✅ Emotional safety is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

✅ Men must provide four levels of safety for their partners.

✅ Women need to feel safe to express their emotions and concerns.

✅ Building a legacy starts with creating a secure family environment.

✅ Personal sovereignty is essential for mature masculinity.

✅ Nervous system regulation is key to emotional health.

✅ Healthy relationships require effort and intentionality from both partners.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Attachment Theory