61. Finding Joy, Freedom, Strength, and Clarity in the Small Everyday Moments with Goli Kalkhoran

Ever had that sensation of running, running, running, and not even really knowing where you’re running to? My guest on this episode of What the Fundraising is asking us to pause and consider: Might there be something we’re unconsciously running away from? Goli Kalkhoran, Coach and Host of Lessons From A Quitter, is all about stripping away the layers of identity and self-limiting beliefs that drive so much of our lives. It’s so common that we run from shame, guilt, disappointment, and ultimately from ourselves, but there is actually an entirely different way to show up.

We are unpacking the roots of maladaptive behaviors (those things we do to ourselves that are not in fact good for our “selves”). Much of it comes from feeling (or having been given the message) that we can’t trust ourselves and that we need external validation. Herself a recovering Type-A lawyer, Goli believes women are often acculturated to be people-pleasing perfectionists when, of course, no one gets out of life without making mistakes. Lots of them. So why not surrender and even celebrate the fact that we are all in a position to assess, accept, pivot, and try again?

Enjoy this life-affirming look at career, and why it’s so important to push back against the cues women especially receive about money, greed, and that most elemental of human conditions: wanting more. If you have a toxic relationship with money or self-judgment (as so many of us in the nonprofit world do!) then this is an episode you definitely won’t want to miss!

Episode Highlights:

(02:16) – Goli’s pursuit of a legal path that ultimately left her miserable and depleted 

(03:03) – How Goli’s coaching and Lessons From A Quitter platform came into being.

(04:11) – About people-pleasing, perfectionism, and other core assumptions.

(05:39) – Lies that Goli believes are at the root of maladaptive behaviors

(08:51) – Understanding how increased confidence correlates to embracing imperfection. 

(10:26) – Fundraising is scary. We don’t need to deny that. 

(11:25) – Why all-or-nothing thinking robs us of the ability to grow incrementally. 

(15:00) – How Goli teaches clients to process the discomfort that goes with being outside of their comfort zones. 

(16:27) – There is a mixture of art and science in distinguishing the source of emotions.

(19:05) – Goli offers thoughts on redefining success outside of external validation.

(21:30) – There’s power in allowing a change of mind. 

(23:05) – Slowing down and acknowledging seasons of life mitigates stress and anxiety. 

(25:00) – Ideal visions don’t necessarily have to be achieved and here’s why.

(28:53) – Creating space to take a pause, reflect and process is critical.

(30:13) – If you’re one of the people scrambling the most.

(30:55) – Examples of anchoring behaviors.

(33:43) – Why harsh inner voices keep us busy and disembodied.

(36:32) – The perfect time for being in the moment will never come.  

(40:21) – Strategies for individuals and organizations trying to untangle assumptions and judgments around money.

(42:03) Our complex relationship with greed. 

(47:12) Find out more about Goli and her work. 

This episode of What the Fundraising was sponsored by Neon One, the comprehensive platform for coordinating donor and member management, fundraising, volunteers, and grants as well as all kinds of information about the when, where, why, and how of giving. Head over to this link to learn more!