A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast

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Let’s Talk Mental Health

May 4, 2023

34:25

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This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.

Lorilee Binstock 00:00:18

Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock, and this is A Trauma Survivor Thrivers Podcast.

Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside Chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock. Everyone has an opportunity to hop on stage. And, actually, I'm hoping people like to would like to hop on stage and and ask any questions or just chat with me today,

but I do ask that everybody be respectful. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock.

So please, some you know, I would love for people to share in this conversation. I know while this is an interview format show, I did have a guest. However, I did receive a lot of backlash.

From so many people about this

I will not name this guest, but I did confirm that she was dealing with

some legal issues for alleged fraud and scamming people out of a lot of money.

But with that, and trying to respond to everyone who commented on my Facebook page, I felt there really needed to be a conversation around mental health and the realization

that you know, hurt people

hurt people. And I know I also received backlash. Like, why are you canceling this person?

And and I'll get to all of that.

But I do ask that, you know, people join me. It looks like I actually have hold on. Let me see if I can get Kelly up on the stage.

In it to invite them to speak. Cali is actually

my I don't know if you know how to get on stage, but I think there's a

button or something that can actually

allow you to come on stage.

No. I think I have you on stage.

Cali, do I have you?

if if Cali is able to speak,

she is actually my creative director for the magazine for so for anybody who checks out Authentic Insider Magazine

and who's commented how beautiful

how beautifully curated the pages are. It's actually all Kelly Benstock. I really, really everything

is is really from the contributors, all the beautiful

words and pages, the contributors and Kelly. So I do wanna say that. Kelly is done a lot to really beautify the magazine and and make it look legit. So

So, Kelly, thank you for that. Can I get you on?

Oh, I see that you should you be hearing something? Am I muted? That's my next question.

It should be.

Let me double check.

So I do wanna talk about mental health because, like I said, I've had a lot of people

come on

and comment about

why this person

should not come. And I was actually thinking, okay. I'm gonna actually invite this person to come on the show

and have her

you know, and in question her a little bit about this, not not to

be mean, but this is what I've been hearing. What will can you you wanna explain

yourself or you want to share your story, your side of the story.

The thing is she is I I there was an warrant out for her arrest last Tuesday.

So I don't think she could have joined anyways, but I've decided that there were so many people who were really upset about having this guest on

I felt that it just didn't fit the show. Right? This the show was called a trauma survivor,

Thrivers

Podcast. And

So most of my guests are people who are trauma survivors who are thriving.

And who are inspiring. And it just seemed like there was just a lot of animosity,

a lot of anger that was

surrounding

this guest. And and so I just didn't feel like having this person on would be helpful, but it did make me think, okay. We need to talk about mental health.

And there were a lot of people who were commenting

that they felt this person was such a compulsive liar that

they didn't believe that their trauma even existed.

While I'm I'm not

I'm not the person to make that decision,

or to judge that,

there is a

I I truly believe she's experienced some sort of trauma. Whether it's a trauma that she says she experience. I'm I'm not sure. I can't that's not my I'm not in that position

to make that call. I don't know her personally.

But I feel that

it's this this idea. Her people, her people,

people who've been traumatized,

oftentimes traumatize other people. That's why there's a generational trauma.

You know, my parents who

you know, I was traumatized by my parents. I'm in childhood sexual abuse survivor.

You know,

my my father sexually abused me as a child, my mother.

Well, she's wonderful, and we have a good relationship now.

You know, she she even admitted. I think I she told me when I was in college, I think I dealt with

postpartum depression.

And, you know, back then, nobody really knew much about if any anything about postpartum depression. And so

I forgave her that for that. I think she kind of there was this realization

our our relationship changed from there.

But

she still treated me

pretty badly growing up.

I felt neglected

by her.

And like I said, while that's not the case now, I did feel

neglected by her for the longest time. And

that has that caused me some issues. And and there was a point probably when I was in middle school,

I didn't know I was dealing with trauma,

but I realized that

I I

needed a community. I needed friends, and I didn't really have friends. I was often isolated as a child. But when I got into middle school, I knew that I wanted friends. And I felt like the only people who were kind of talking to me were the popular

the popular girls

And

I really,

really enjoyed,

like, being around them, but they were kind of mean. They were mean to other people, and I felt to be accepted within this group of people, I also needed to be

mean or I needed to be like them. And I was I I I'm so ashamed to say. I was a little bit of a bully.

Once I got into high school, I was bullied.

Then I'm like, oh, it

flipped the script. I'm this is this is happening to me, and this is this is pretty terrible.

So now I know what it feels like. Right? You just

I had things changed for me at that point.

However, I was still healing from my trauma. Actually, I wasn't healing it off. High school, I wasn't healing from my trauma. I didn't even know I had trauma.

I do wanna check-in. Do I have Kelly? Kelly, are you there? Are you available to chat?

I don't know. I'm still, like I feel like there were some new features added on

with Fireside.

And I'm hoping people can actually hear me right now.

Can people hear me?

I might be muted, actually.

No. I'm not.

Well, you know,

if we can get Kelly on oh, I see

speaker request.

Accept request.

Kelly, can you hear me?

Cali Binstock 00:08:36

Yes.

Lorilee Binstock 00:08:37

Oh my goodness.

Cali Binstock 00:08:38

Wait.

Lorilee Binstock 00:08:39

K. K. I can hear you.

Cali Binstock 00:08:39

You can hear me.

Wow. Okay. Great.

Lorilee Binstock 00:08:42

Yes.

So, yes, this is this is Kelly.

She like I said earlier, she is the creative director for Authentic Insider Magazine. Reason why the pages are so beautifully curated.

Cali Binstock 00:08:49

Hi.

Lorilee Binstock 00:08:55

That and, again, the create contributors

Cali Binstock 00:08:58

Hello?

Lorilee Binstock 00:08:58

are the ones who

really

bring the magazine to life. So, Kelly,

you know, we've talked about this, and so I'm talking about mental health, and I'm talking about bullying. And I talked about how I was

Cali Binstock 00:09:05

Hi.

Lorilee Binstock 00:09:13

embarrassed to say I was a bully

when I was in middle school.

Cali Binstock 00:09:16

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:09:18

Yada yada yada.

I got into high school. I was bullied, and then and then I realized, like, oh, okay. This is this is this this is what it feels like, and it feels pretty terrible.

But I was a bully because I I I struggled. I I there's something that I needed.

Cali Binstock 00:09:30

No.

Lorilee Binstock 00:09:35

And it was I needed

Cali Binstock 00:09:35

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:09:37

people to like me because nobody really liked me at home.

Cali Binstock 00:09:42

Look at that.

Lorilee Binstock 00:09:43

And, you know, the people who actually

showed me some attention

were, you know, these these girls who were kinda bullies. I did have a couple friends that were like, my good friends,

and

they're still my good friends today.

But,

you know, we they were kind of pulled into all of it as well. And I I have to say, they're good people. They're good people now. I don't know about the other girls.

Cali Binstock 00:10:03

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:10:09

Then I'm sure they're great people.

But I I just wanna say it's her

say it again. Her people, her people,

Cali Binstock 00:10:17

Definitely.

Lorilee Binstock 00:10:17

and

And it's really hard.

If you like to understand that, especially if you've experienced trauma, unless you're unless you're on your, like, far into your healing.

Cali Binstock 00:10:25

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:10:29

And, you know, I feel like

being curious about certain situations

when someone's being mean,

it's never it's it's almost never about

Cali Binstock 00:10:37

Yes.

Lorilee Binstock 00:10:41

it's it's about the person who is being mean. It's not like

Cali Binstock 00:10:43

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:10:44

right?

Cali Binstock 00:10:45

That reminds me of Oprah's

I don't think it's that new anymore,

but it's like and I heard her talking about it on a podcast. It was like,

not what's wrong with you. The question should be, what happens to you?

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:00

Yes.

Exactly.

Cali Binstock 00:11:03

You know, and just having that awareness that people are acting from

maybe trauma and

insecurity

and not

as much out to get you because nobody cares that much about,

you know, you not in not in a bad way, but, like,

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:21

Right.

Cali Binstock 00:11:23

People are so self centric that

it's usually their own issues.

That they have to deal with. You know?

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:30

I agree.

And they're only outlet. Maybe you. Maybe they're so comfortable with you that you are the only outlet.

Cali Binstock 00:11:32

But yeah.

Yeah.

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:39

Ask my husband.

I mean, it's

Cali Binstock 00:11:42

I know when you're really comfy with someone you can be.

Alamine.

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:48

yes.

Cali Binstock 00:11:48

Yeah. I'm guilty of it too, for sure.

Lorilee Binstock 00:11:49

Yes.

Yeah, a hundred percent. You know, I I talked to Jared about I mean, my husband's Jared. But I talked to my daughter

about bullying because she there are times where she's felt bullied.

And because she's felt bullied, you know, she comes to me. She's like this person said this, and I'm like, oh my goodness. Well, you know, there's probably something going on with them, and it's not about you. I think that was

Cali Binstock 00:12:05

Mhmm.

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:14

that was really important.

Cali Binstock 00:12:17

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:17

my daughter, Olivia,

because

I feel like you can it's easy to take things personally.

Cali Binstock 00:12:24

Oh, yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:24

You know,

even when my husband gets mad at me, when Jared, my husband gets mad at me, I

can I can take it personally or he's being distant? I take it personally. Oh, you don't you don't love me anymore. You know, this is this is my thing. Right? But the truth is there's just something going on internally with him. Maybe it's work. Maybe it's something else. And I think it's, like you said, what Oser said,

Cali Binstock 00:12:33

Yeah.

Yes.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:47

what happened? What did what happened to you?

Cali Binstock 00:12:50

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:50

Why are you behaving this way? And I feel like for this person who

is not on my show right now,

Cali Binstock 00:12:58

You're right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:12:59

it was

I I think

we should stop with the

and I and with the

I don't believe in her trauma because she is such a liar. I think she has experienced

some sort of trauma,

big tea, trauma, little tea, trauma that

made her feel that she needed to

scam people out of money. And, you

know,

in my neighborhood.

I live in Washington, DC, and there are a lot of car jackings, car thefts,

Cali Binstock 00:13:31

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:13:32

but it's something that was really interesting that happened.

This little while ago, but we have a listserv

Cali Binstock 00:13:37

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:13:38

for moms on the hill, and a woman

was saying that her car got broken into.

But she didn't say, you know, didn't didn't anyone have any

cameras on this in this area. She specifically

Cali Binstock 00:13:50

Oh,

Lorilee Binstock 00:13:51

asked, George said,

They stole

diapers.

They're someone in our neighborhood, in our community who is so desperate

for such a necessity

that they broke into my car and stole diapers,

Cali Binstock 00:14:03

Oh my god.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:07

and she wasn't angry.

She actually said we should actually do a

Cali Binstock 00:14:09

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:12

a diaper drive because someone needs it.

Cali Binstock 00:14:14

Hold on.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:15

And I was like, oh my gosh.

Cali Binstock 00:14:16

The great

but a great human she is to,

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:19

Right.

Can you imagine if we looked at everything like that? Like,

Cali Binstock 00:14:20

you know,

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:24

we've been we've been harmed. Why?

Can how can we help this?

Cali Binstock 00:14:27

Yeah.

Well, that's, like, the chain of pain and And if you recognize

it, it's the only way to, like, start breaking the chain. You know?

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:39

That's awareness.

Mental health awareness.

Cali Binstock 00:14:40

Awareness

is always step one. Right? Like, that's where you have to start.

And then

that's the only place that, like,

good action. I guess you would say it would come from.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:53

Yes.

Cali Binstock 00:14:54

Right? Like,

yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:14:57

Good humans.

I mean, I can say this all day long, but there will be moments in my life where I'm, like, You know? It's like, I think I did a TikTok

a while ago where I'm like,

hello, all. I hope you have a wonderful day, and then, like, pretend to honk my horn and

Cali Binstock 00:15:11

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:14

yell, like, what the fuck is the matter with you?

Cali Binstock 00:15:17

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:17

It's really it's really the same thing. It's like, okay, everybody.

Make you know, give everyone as a chance, not everyone is experience.

You know, everyone's

Cali Binstock 00:15:27

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:27

you never know what everyone's experiencing,

and then you turn around, you're like, why did they do this? Why did they you know, it's just depending on your day. Right?

Cali Binstock 00:15:30

yeah.

Yeah.

Well, relationships

are if you're not regulated

and you're having a gut reaction because things are chaotic, like,

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:38

Right.

Cali Binstock 00:15:43

You have to give yourself grace too, I guess,

after those situations.

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:46

Exactly.

Yeah. I think it's right. Yeah. I I I think it all comes to, like, this this whole idea the system of regulating your nervous system. Right? We when we're dysregulated,

Cali Binstock 00:15:57

Hey.

Lorilee Binstock 00:15:59

awareness is out the window.

Cali Binstock 00:16:01

Oh, yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:02

But it's also one of those things. If you train your yourself to be to will be aware when you're not

Cali Binstock 00:16:10

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:10

dysregulated,

then it'll it becomes easier when you are dysregulated.

Cali Binstock 00:16:16

Through.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:17

To be able to

respond

and not react.

Cali Binstock 00:16:22

Exactly.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:22

And

and so, yeah,

I also wanted to talk about cancel culture because I think there were also a lot of people, and I agree with them, people who responded, like, what did this person do. I don't believe in cancel culture. If people canceled me, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.

And I agree with that because

Cali Binstock 00:16:41

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:43

and like I said earlier, I mentioned I don't know if you heard, but I mentioned, you know, this person

Cali Binstock 00:16:49

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:50

You know, this it just she just it just didn't work with the podcast itself. It's a trauma survivor, Thrivers Podcast.

Cali Binstock 00:16:57

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:16:57

And she's not in a place where she's thriving. And but I think she's in a place where she could start her healing. And I I do hope that for her. I wish that for her,

Cali Binstock 00:17:01

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:17:10

but I also agree, like,

you know, canceled culture is just so volatile.

Why? We don't need to

we we can we can stop giving them attention because when you keep feeding into feeding into this,

Cali Binstock 00:17:22

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:17:24

right, then they'll just start re reacting.

Cali Binstock 00:17:25

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:17:28

But if you give them the space to maybe be able to see what they're doing because you can't shame people into doing things. Let's let's be real here. You can't shame people into doing the right thing. They need to figure it out for themselves. And I think in a a place to be able to do that is a place of quiet,

Cali Binstock 00:17:35

True.

Yeah.

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:17:47

and I think

cancel culture. It's not that we're canceling you. Like, you're done,

but I think it's like I think it's more like

Cali Binstock 00:17:54

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:17:57

Okay.

This is your opportunity

to make some changes and understand your actions and maybe make some changes and maybe do better and help others do better.

Cali Binstock 00:18:04

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:08

And then I think that's when.

Cali Binstock 00:18:08

We all make mistakes,

so I guess there's a scale of, like,

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:10

Yes.

Cali Binstock 00:18:14

you know,

if someone is a dangerous human,

you know, that's one thing, but

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:20

Right.

Cali Binstock 00:18:20

making mistakes

and

I don't know. I just

it makes me think about

people in jail and just the amount of incarceration

in our in our country, and

it just seems insane.

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:38

No. It does.

Cali Binstock 00:18:39

But how many how many people and mostly people of color in in jails for smaller crimes, and

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:44

Mhmm.

Cali Binstock 00:18:47

and, you know, the

perpetuating

cycle

with poverty, and it's just

it's not a it's it's not usually a place of rehabilitation.

Lorilee Binstock 00:18:59

Yeah.

Cali Binstock 00:18:59

It's a place of a lot of with a lot of toxicity. I'm sure they're I mean, I taught art at at our county jail here in Pittsburgh

briefly. I wasn't there a long, long time, but

I believe in

in,

you know, rehabilitation,

and I think

setting people up for reintegration,

and

it's just crazy. We don't have more mental health support for

for these people.

Lorilee Binstock 00:19:28

Yeah. I I think that's that's that's the issue here. The our mental health care system in America

is so

dysfunctional.

Cali Binstock 00:19:39

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:19:39

There's there's not enough going on. There's just

not not enough people

I mean, who can afford it really? I mean, it's very expensive

Cali Binstock 00:19:47

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:19:49

to get mental health treatment in America. And to get good mental health, specialized health

Cali Binstock 00:19:55

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:19:56

care, that's that's

that it it's it's so rare. Yet we there's all these other issues that we're dealing with. But if we can if we can, like, get to the root of it, which is, like, our mental health care system, we could probably fix a lot more things.

Cali Binstock 00:20:08

Mhmm.

Right. Like the the domino effect of that would be so worth it, so worth investing in.

Lorilee Binstock 00:20:14

Mhmm.

Yes.

Inquiry.

But but that's the question is if someone's

you know, I I'm sure there's hundreds and hundreds of people all over America trying to work on how are we gonna get there.

It's just it is a it's a it's a very daunting task. And and,

Cali Binstock 00:20:35

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:20:36

you know, that's why I'm kind of hoping, like, for all of us, it's just

we're working on ourselves. I I'd like if if each individual

Cali Binstock 00:20:44

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:20:46

can work on themselves,

I think that that that right there is growth. And,

Cali Binstock 00:20:49

No.

Lorilee Binstock 00:20:52

again, it's that easily said,

not easily done.

Cali Binstock 00:20:57

Right.

Lorilee Binstock 00:20:58

And but I I mean, I feel like talking about it,

bringing awareness to it,

Cali Binstock 00:21:04

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:05

you know, I think that's everything. I think that that that's why we're having this conversation. I could have easily canceled the show.

Cali Binstock 00:21:11

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:14

But it really

Cali Binstock 00:21:14

Cancel all the color.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:16

cancel culture. Yes. I but I really could not sleep just thinking about all of the stuff that was happening.

Cali Binstock 00:21:23

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:23

And and so I did wanna briefly

kinda touch on this and and, you know,

have this conversation

Cali Binstock 00:21:31

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:32

because,

you know, I, myself, was just

dealing with trauma. I did awful things. That I am absolutely not proud of. I am very lucky that social media didn't exist when I was a child.

Cali Binstock 00:21:41

Mhmm.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:47

And

Cali Binstock 00:21:48

I know. How lucky were we?

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:50

I I mean, we were so lucky. It it scares me to think, like, if social media existed,

twenty

Cali Binstock 00:21:57

God.

Lorilee Binstock 00:21:58

years ago,

I'd be screwed.

Cali Binstock 00:22:01

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:01

I'd be screwed.

Cali Binstock 00:22:02

My my late teens and twenties, like, I would rather not

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:04

Mm-mm.

Cali Binstock 00:22:06

have any evidence of that.

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:06

Yes.

Right. Exactly.

Cali Binstock 00:22:09

And I hardly do, which is wonderful because

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:12

Exactly.

Cali Binstock 00:22:12

that was, like, traumatic in itself just that time of life.

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:13

Yeah.

Cali Binstock 00:22:17

You know, just you don't know. There's so much doubt. And if you've been through trauma, like, ugh,

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:17

Right.

Cali Binstock 00:22:24

it's just the hardest time you're not gonna

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:28

Yep.

Cali Binstock 00:22:29

So much

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:29

No. I agree.

Cali Binstock 00:22:30

painful growth. You know?

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:32

Painful growth. And and I think that's what's really hard about our youth now because, you

know, And that's why that's another reason why I think we we shouldn't cancel these kids. Their their brains are still developing. We don't know what they've gone through. I think it just everything deserves, like, a deeper look and

Cali Binstock 00:22:44

Right.

Yeah.

Lorilee Binstock 00:22:51

curiosity

of other people and curiosity within yourself. Yeah.

Cali Binstock 00:22:56

Totally.

Totally. I think we were when we were chatting before this, like,

this is so random, but

my kids had it's

actually