Nick Epley, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, explores the transformative power of deep questions in communication. Mandy Len Catron, a creative writing professor known for her viral essay on the 36 questions that lead to love, reflects on how intimate inquiries can forge lasting connections. They discuss the Fast Friends Procedure, revealing how meaningful questions can spark friendships and even romance. Their insights emphasize the art of asking better questions to enhance personal connections and foster genuine relationships.
Engaging in deep questions can significantly enhance personal connections, fostering intimacy and meaningful dialogue between individuals.
The Fast Friends Procedure demonstrates that structured intimate questioning can rapidly forge lasting relationships and a sense of closeness among strangers.
Deep dives
The Power of Deep Questions
Engaging in deep questions can significantly enhance personal connections and communication. Asking questions such as 'When is the last time you cried in front of someone?' might initially seem awkward, but these types of inquiries have the potential to open up meaningful dialogue and foster intimacy between individuals. This effect was notably observed when a group of executives participated in a social experiment that led to unexpected bonding and heartfelt exchanges among them. Ultimately, deep questions serve as catalysts for connection that go beyond superficial conversations, allowing individuals to share personal experiences and emotions.
The Impact of Parental Guidance
Nick Epley's personal experience with his parents’ differing approaches to handling his reckless behavior as a teenager exemplifies how questioning can lead to self-reflection and growth. When Epley faced legal consequences for his actions, his parents’ shift from lecturing to asking reflective 'why' questions resulted in a pivotal change in his attitude. Such inquiries prompted Epley to reassess his decisions and feelings, illustrating the potential impact of well-formed questions on opening an emotional dialogue. This also highlights the idea that effective communication fosters genuine understanding and can lead to behavioral change.
Creating Connections Through Interaction
The Fast Friends Procedure demonstrates how structured interaction can rapidly forge connections between strangers. This research, involving pairs of individuals asking each other a series of 36 escalating intimate questions, concluded that most participants formed lasting relationships after just one session. By focusing on personal storytelling and emotional topics, participants experienced a greater sense of closeness and connection; many even sought to continue their relationships after the experiment. The success of these interactions underscores the universal human desire to be seen and understood, emphasizing that asking deep and thoughtful questions can enhance relational dynamics in any setting.
Why are some people able to talk with just about anyone—about almost anything? One answer may lie in the questions we ask—and how deeply we ask them. Stick with us here…
In this episode, host Charles Duhigg examines why deep questions are so powerful and how to ask them in everyday life.
He talks to Nick Epley, psychology professor at the University of Chicago and lifelong researcher of deep questions. And we catch up with Mandy Len Catron, 10 years after she wrote the viral New York Times article “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.”
This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators.
Supercommunicators was produced by Derek John and Sophie Summergrad.
Our technical director is Merritt Jacob.
Joel Meyer is our supervising producer.
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