76: The Legendary Alfie Kohn on Time-Outs, Accidental Manipulation and 'Motivating' Kids.

Ok - big moment you guys. I’m excited (and somewhat embarrassed!) to share this special conversation with you—one that originally aired back in 2022 in my Facebook community Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids.

Looking back, I can’t help but cringe! I was SO nervous and excited to be speaking with the universal expert on parenting, education, and human behaviour: Alfie Kohn.

Let’s just say I wasn’t as polished or professional as I am now… but the insights and wisdom? They’re just as powerful today as they were then.

Alfie Kohn, renowned author of Punished by Rewards, No Contest, The Homework Myth, and my personal favourite, Unconditional Parenting, (plus many others!) brings his groundbreaking research and passion for progressive education to this chat.

In this episode, we dive into:

🔍 Why rewards can be just as harmful as punishments for children.

💡 What people really mean when they say, "I want to motivate my child" (spoiler: it’s often about compliance).

🎭 The hidden problems with praise—especially those high-pitched, "good job!" moments.

🚫 The true impact of time-outs and forcible isolation on kids’ emotional well-being.

One of the most profound ideas we explored? The belief that we need to reinforce kids to behave a certain way. This comes from a hidden assumption that children aren’t naturally inclined to do well on their own—and it’s time we rethink that.

I’m so grateful Alfie agreed to let me share this conversation here on the podcast—it’s one you won’t want to miss.

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If this resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you. Email us at hello@stephaniepinto.com and send me your thoughts, feedback or questions!

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➡️ www.facebook.com/groups/letsraiseemotionallyintelligentkids

Hi! I am an Emotional Intelligence best-selling author, award-winning coach and international speaker. I'm also a paediatric anxiety therapist (and previous speech language pathologist!) and I love helping people use emotional intelligence to become calmer, more connected and live happier lives!

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