Oscar Trimboli (Part 2) on how to listen deeply (CAL62)

Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. Along with the Deep Listening Ambassador Community, he is on a quest to create 100 million deep listeners in the workplace. Oscar has experienced first-hand the transformational impact leaders can have when they listen beyond words. He believes that when leadership teams focus their attention and listening, they will build organizations that create powerful legacies for the people they serve. Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran working for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, and Vodafone. He consults with organizations including American Express, AstraZeneca, Cisco, Google, HSBC, IAG, Montblanc, PwC, Salesforce, Sanofi, SAP, and Siemens.

In the previous podcast, Part 1 of this conversation, Oscar motivated why deep listening is important. In this Part 2, we get practical and he unpacks his 5 levels of listening with some actionable strategies for how we can be better listeners. We also touch on listening in group contexts and cultural issues around listening. And he briefly introduces the four listening villains that can get in the way of good listening.

Not enough of us communicate how we communicate.

At the beginning of the meeting, simply ask what would make this a great meeting for you?

It’s not your job as the listener to always make sense of what they say, it’s your job to help them make sense of what they think.

It’s the simplest thing that make us better listeners and you’ll never be perfect.

Overview (times approximate):

02:50 The five levels of listening: 1. listening to yourself, 2. to the content, 3. for the context, 4. for unsaid, 5. for meaning

04:08 Level 1: being present to the moment by managing distractions, being well hydrated, taking three deep breaths – simple rituals, difficult to practice.

12:40 Level 2: what you see, hear, sense – emotion as a signal about what matters; listening to body language including on zoom

17:50 Level 3: the backstory, their backstory; asking the backstory to help them, e.g., asking ‘how long have you thought about this for?’

21:30 Level 4: listening for the unsaid, the first thing people say is top of mind so exploring the unsaid with phrases like ‘tell me more’, ‘what else’, and silence. 28:25 Level 4 plays out in one-on-one as well as groups. The importance of listening to all present, listening for difference, and for perspectives not in the room.

35:32 Level 5: not imposing your own assumptions re meaning

40:20 The four villains of listening – the dramatic, interrupting, lost/distracted, shrewd villains.

43:28 One thing to try now – listen for what’s not said. Just be comfortable in knowing it’s the simplest things that make us better listeners.

45:34 Cultural differences and listening

48:02 Wrap up

50:45 End

You can download a full transcript of the conversation here.

Related Links

Oscar Trimboli: oscartrimboli.com

Listening Quiz: https://www.oscartrimboli.com/listeningquiz/

90 Day Deep Listening Challenge: https://www.oscartrimboli.com/thanks-for-registering-for-the-90-day-deep-listening-challenge/

Books/People:

Oscar Trimboli, Deep Listening: Impact beyond words (2017)

Oscar Trimboli, How to listen: Discover the hidden key to better communication (coming out Oct 2022)

Marc Brackett, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Mark Brackett,: Permission to Feel, 2020, Celadon Books

Kieran Flanagan, Dan Gregory, Selfish, scared and stupid: Stop fighting human nature and increase your performance, engagement and influence. 2014. Wiley.