How To Think With Dan Henry Why Giving People Chances Rarely Actually Helps Them
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“I used to ask for all these extra chances and handouts... and sometimes I would get them and sometimes I wouldn't. But I will tell you this, when I did get those second chances, I never really did anything with them. They didn't really move the needle in my life.”
So let me ask you… have you ever been in a position to help someone by giving them another opportunity to do better for themselves?
Maybe you have even found yourself asking someone else, “Please, just give me one more chance!”
Does “one more chance” really help anyone?
Surprisingly, the answer is NO!
We are each responsible for ourselves; we each control our destiny. Relying on someone else to give you an easy way out will never serve you!
In the same way, exhausting yourself constantly working to “help” someone else does not serve you either!
Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
In this episode, I am going to cover:
- Why people never take advantage of second chances
- How to create your own destiny to ensure your individual gain
- Why you need to start saying “no” to people who ask you for second chances
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— TRANSCRIPT —
In this episode, I'm going to talk about why giving people chances rarely actually helps them.
So you know, there's this common saying "just give me a chance, I just need a chance." This often happens with people who are down on their luck. They've made a lot of poor decisions and they just asked for a chance. You know, I'm not talking about people who are trying to get a job and they've actually done well and they just happen to say that as a way to get their foot in the door or anything like that. I'm talking about people that have been struggling. They have made poor decisions. They're in a real bad spot in their life and they just keep asking other people to give them chances. Okay. I'm going to tell you why that rarely helps them. 'Cause I've multiple times in my life been in a position where people have asked me for chances, just give me another chance, right? As well, I've been in the position where I've made poor decisions and I have put myself in a really bad spot and I've asked somebody else for chances. After all of that, I've really realized that that second chance or third or fourth chance doesn't really help people. I mean, yeah, there are the cases where it does where the rare case where somebody messes up over and over again. They asked for one more chance and then they stopped messing up. Sure, there is. But, for the most part, it doesn't happen. Okay. This is why.
You know, just yesterday I was talking to one of my staff who is helping me with our real estate business and we have a property that we are renting out. It's a small property. It's $1,000 a month, and this woman applies and she promises that she has good credit. She promises that she has a good income. She makes all these promises, she says, "I don't have any pets" this and that, and one rule we have in this property is absolutely 100%, no pets. The reason for that is I've had pets in the property and they ruined the house and I've been told before like, "Oh yeah, no, our pets are good." As a landlord, I just, I'm sorry, I'm just not going to take the chance. It's a very hot market right now for people that are landlords, it's not hard to find a renter. So for me, I want to find a renter that doesn't have a pet just to eliminate the chance of the house getting messed up because I already spent so much restoring it. So when I look at like credit and I look at income and I look at all that stuff I try to think to myself, okay, is this person honest?
If somebody has a 750 credit score versus somebody that has a 500 credit score, you know, I'm going to assume that the person that has a 500 score is probably less honest. That may not be the case, but in a vacuum overall, I only have that to go on, I don't know these people, right? I only have that to go on when I'm making decisions of who I'm going to let live in the homes that I own. So all I have to go on is like where you work, what your credit score is, et cetera. So I have a cutoff, and our cutoff is 620. You have to have at least a 620 credit score to rent one of our properties. If you're renting one of our higher-end properties, it's a higher credit score.
So we explain this and she applies, she pays the $50 fee to get her credit run and a background check and her background check comes back fine. But her credit comes back as like a five is really low. It's like a 520 or 540 or something like that. Way lower than our limit. So we sent her the "We regret to inform you that you weren't approved." And she sends an email back and she says, "Well can you just give me a chance?" and she had a long sob story and for a moment, as I was sitting there for a moment, I was like, man, I was like this maybe I should give her a chance, you know, because man, she paid 50 bucks. Like, it's $50 out the door and for somebody like her, maybe that's a hard hit. But then I thought about it and I was like, well, she knew. It's not hard to check your credit score. You can go on Credit Karma and know an idea of your score in like two seconds. Plus on her credit report, it had shown that she had applied and ran her credit like a million times in the past couple of months. Like she has so many inquiries. So for me, it's like she knows what her credit score is, right? She knows. Yet she still lied and I don't know why. So again, lying about your credit score essentially, because again, she told us, "Oh yeah, no that, that'll be fine," that Dah Dah, Dah, Dah, paid the $50 knowing full well, and I don't know what the game plan there was. But if you think about it, it's a bad choice after bad choice after bad choice and her credit report had tons of bad choice after bad choice after bad choice after bad choice. So when thinking about giving someone another chance, there is a reason they need another chance.
It's because they have consistently over and over and over and over and over made bad decisions, messed up, made bad choices. The only reason that they're in the position they are in is that they have put themselves in that position. The only way they're gonna make it out is if they are the ones that create a second chance if they are the ones that get themselves out. Okay, the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. The thing about it is in my life, I used to ask for all these chances and all these handouts and sometimes I would get them and sometimes I wouldn't. But I will tell you this when I did get those second chances, I never really did anything with them. They didn't really move the needle in my life.
But the day I decided to stop asking other people for help and for chances was the day I decided to do it myself. I always had the ability to do it myself, I just always thought, I don't know, I guess I had an entitlement. I always thought it should fall on somebody else. I don't know why, I don't know if that's just the way our social culture is now. Everybody thinks they are owed something. Everybody thinks that people who are further ahead, or more successful or more wealthy than them, Clearly have an obligation to help them, which is completely not true. You make your own destiny. I'm not responsible for you, just like you're not responsible for me. To think that I'm supposed to give you something out of the kindness of my heart. You know, if I want to give somebody something out of the kindness of my own heart, I will.
Like for instance, we're making a drop-off. I mean by the time you listen to this podcast episode it will probably be long past this. But as I'm recording this, we just had a hurricane Dorian hit The Bahamas. It just tore The Bahamas up. And I live in Florida, so I'm no stranger to hurricanes. So about an hour away, there's a drop off for supplies for The Bahamas, which is funny because all these freaking Floridians bought up all these supplies and then the hurricane doesn't even hit us or barely hits us at least at my side of the state, and the media, of course, hypes it all up, even still. So people are encouraging people to take the supplies they bought and drop them off to send them to The Bahamas. So I didn't buy any supplies cause I know better. But I thought as a side note, I find it funny, people will drink soda, sugary drinks every day and they'll survive. But when a hurricane comes, all of a sudden now they need water. Like they're going to actually drink that water. But that's just the funny side note. Anyway, so we're going to drop off some stuff, we're going to buy some supplies and some stuff we have around the house and even the office. Like stuff from old, my old mastermind, like the last few mastermind events that we didn't use and we're going to drop it off. And so that right there is because I, it's out of the kindness of my own heart.
I feel for those people and I want to do, even if it's only small, I want to do something. I'm not forced to do that. I'm not forced to donate. I want to donate. People that are forced to do something and don't want to do it, they're always going to find a way out of it. So I just don't see the point in forcing people. Somebody wants to do it, they're going to do it. That's the thing is, is that what's really moved the needle in my life is when I've wanted to do something and I've made it happen myself. Again, there are tons of specific situations like for instance, The Bahamas, obviously, if somebody had their house swiped away by a wave and they have nothing and they were like, please give me a chance for this job so I can make money. I'm not talking about that instance. Of course, give them a chance. We're talking about your normal everyday person that made terrible decisions and keeps asking for second chances. Until that person makes the decision to do it themselves, to make their destiny happen themselves, to make sure that whatever they want, they create, they are the ones that made it happen. Until that happens it doesn't matter how many chances you give that person, they're never going to do anything with it because their whole life revolves around asking for things, asking for second chances, and I'm talking to two people right now.
If you're the type of person that puts yourself out all the time because you keep giving and giving and giving to people who keep taking and taking and taking and never actually do anything with it, always make bad decisions, then do not feel bad when you say no next time and you know what? Start saying no cause all you're doing is dragging yourself down, or you're letting somebody else who's not willing to help themselves drag you down. You cannot help someone that's not willing to help themselves.
If you are that person that always finds themselves running into a wall over and over and over again, ask yourself, are you making the wrong decisions? Are you trying to make $1million, but you won't invest money in a coach, right? Like if you're the type of person that wants to make 1 million bucks, build a business where people pay you and you make 1 million bucks, but you won't pay somebody else to teach you how, even if it's just one segment of the overall business, then what are you doing? Right? You expect other people to pay you, but you won't pay other people.
That makes zero sense, right? And just having that mentality, we get emails and social media messages all the time asking, "Dan, can I buy your program and I'll pay you after I make some money." "Dan, can you give me your program for free? Can you give me for free?" Why would you want to take advice from somebody on how to make money that will just give you something for free, that makes no sense. I would not want to learn from that person. If I went to somebody who taught me, like let's say I was going to somebody that taught me how to close on the phone, close sales on the phone, and I said, "Can I get a discount?" And they say, "Yeah, sure." I wouldn't want to learn from that person. Cause that'd be like, well wait a minute. If I ask you for a discount and you just gave it to me instead of closing me at the full price, why the hell am I learning how to close from you? That makes no sense.
So the thing about it is, is you have to be willing and able to drink your own water, you can't have somebody force you again, lead a horse to water, you can't make them drink. You cannot force people to do things. You cannot save people. They have to save themselves. You could only lead them. People can be led, they can not be saved. Once you understand that and you accept that, if you're the type of person that continuously makes bad decisions, maybe you'll start making better decisions. 'Cause, that's really what to me, if somebody said, "Dan, you have 10 seconds, you have to explain the meaning of life or like how to get ahead in life." and I only had 10 seconds, I'd be like, "Ah, continuously make good decisions." That'd be it. Right?
If I look back on my life from being a poor pizza boy for seven years to now having an eight-figure online empire, I would just say it's just making good decisions. You make tons of bad decisions, you're going to have a bad life. You make tons of good decisions, you're going to have a good life. The more good decisions you make, the more money you make, the more bad decisions you make, the less money you make. Simple, you have to create that. And, if you're trying to build an e-commerce store, but you don't want to buy an e-commerce course, you don't want to hire an e-commerce coach. You don't want to buy things from other people just so you can study how they sell them. If you don't want to do that, then you don't deserve to be successful in that industry. You just don't deserve it because you're asking people to save you and you're not willing to drink from the fountain yourself. You shouldn't be in that industry. We don't need people like that. We need people who are go-getters. We need owners of companies and businesses of people who want to create great products, who want to put in the effort. We need that. If we don't have that, we're going to have all these crap products out there, crap companies, because people who are running them are lazy. But the thing is most of those companies don't get very far for that very reason. So again, I implore you, do not expect somebody to constantly give you a handout, second chance, whatever, make your own destiny because you ultimately are in charge.
You ultimately are the one who has your hands on the steering wheel. If you want to step on the gas and you want to go, you can go. If you want to downshift, step on that gas, and floor it, you have every opportunity to do so. Sure there might be bumps in the road. Sure you might have to hang on as you fly over that pothole. But you know what? Ultimately, that's how life works. That's how business works. And you might have to swerve out of the way of a pothole. You might have to be careful in certain areas and speed through other areas. But, if you just sit there in park the whole time and whine and cry about how somebody should drive you, you're never going to get anywhere. Hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I'll see you in the next one.