105: Tripp Lanier - The New Man Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes Also Check out Ari's book "Less Doing, More Living" Get More Great Content and Full Show Notes at LessDoing.com # Episode 105 **Summary:** In Episode #105 chats with [Tripp Lanier](http://thenewmanlife.com/) men’s coach and creator of _The New Man Podcast._ During their conversation, Tripp and Ari discuss the common pitfalls facing the average man, our unhealthy willingness to “tolerate,” and the unbelievable power of “no”. **Time Stamped Show Notes:** - 19:48 – Ari introduces his guest, Tripp Lanier - 20:42 – How Tripp became a men’s coach - 21:49 – Having conversations that change people’s lives is at the core of everything Tripp does - 23:00 – Continue to learn and continue to be coached - 23:50 – Why specifically a men’s coach, as opposed to being a women’s coach as well? - 25:00 – The two men Tripp deals with most: - 25:18 – Men that have found success but not happiness - 26:12 – Men that have relationship questions and concerns - 28:00 – Many problems or issues are simply rooted in communication - 28:20 – How much of your world dedicated to pleasing other people, to not letting them down? - 29:00 – Where are you _tolerating _things? - 29:18 – Are you engaging in relationships out of fear a fear based placed or because it’s actually important? - 29:40 – People are too afraid that their relationships can’t survive healthy conflict - 31:00 – What is the main fear in the average man? - 32:10 – Men usually set up their lives to avoid conflict - 32:30 – Listening to language is the key to getting someone to avoid their fear of conflict - 34:09 – Do men feel overwhelmed purely out of fear, or are there other aspects at play? - 34:35 – Defeating the feeling of being overwhelmed is impossible if a man is making himself out to be the victim or looking to play the “blame game” - 35:30 – Men want to feel _free_ - 36:14 – A willingness to say “no” and endure temporary discomfort are key to finding what we truly want - 37:18 – A man should not spend his life trying to carry 11 gallons of water in a 10 gallon bucket - 37:29 – What Tripp tries to improve about himself - 37:43 – Struggles to restrain himself from the “need to be doing more” feeling - 39:00 – What can I do to make myself feel more _free_ today? - 39:45 – The time is _now_; How can I create my day in the service of _now_ - 40:05 – The irony is in that today’s world of instant gratification, people will seek out everything _except _that which they _really _want - 40:15 – It’s scary to have a blank canvas…it’s a lot easier to do what we are told - 41:05 – Tripp’s morning routine - 41:30 – The importance of _remembering_ who you are and what you have done - 42:13 – Don’t get distracted by the shiny thing - 42:50 – What Tripp offers in the way off services - 44:28 – What are your _Top 3 Personal Tips for Being More Effective?_ - 44:49 – Have fun - 44:51 – Know what you want - 44:53 – Say “no” - 45:09 – The power of “no” is one of the most difficult things to master because we are so_afraid_ of the conflict it may invite - 45:49 – [TheNewManLife.com](http://thenewmanlife.com/) **7 Key Points:** 1. Continue to learn and continue to be coached. 2. Men are frequently setting up their lives to avoid conflict at all costs...this is a mistake. 3. Every man needs to identify where he is simply tolerating things. 4. Dedicating oneself to the service of _now_ is key to achieving happiness and peace. 5. Do not get distracted by the “shiny thing”, stay on-course 6. Be willing to say “no” and endure the temporary discomfort that comes with it. 7. Knowing when to say “no” is th