538: Already Dreading Your Abusive Brother's Wedding | Feedback Friday
Jul 23, 2021
The hosts tackle a gripping dilemma involving a listener facing the emotional turmoil of speaking at her abusive brother's wedding. They discuss the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing mental health when dealing with family trauma. Navigating complex relationships, they highlight empowerment through pivotal moments like wedding speeches. Additionally, the conversation shifts to frustrations with corporate performance ratings, advocating for transparency and fairness in evaluations. It's a thought-provoking mix of personal healing and workplace challenges!
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volunteer_activism ADVICE
Managing Expectations with Brother
Be realistic about your brother's potential response when discussing past trauma.
Prioritize your healing process with or without his acknowledgment.
insights INSIGHT
People-Pleasing as Trauma Response
People-pleasing can be a trauma response, developed to maintain connections and safety.
As an adult, you don't need to abandon yourself to maintain unhealthy relationships.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Decline the Speech
You don't have to speak at your brother's wedding, especially after his past actions.
Set boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
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It's not a request; it's a demand from the brother who sexually abused you when you were eight in a family that gaslighted you about the whole thing: "You will speak at my wedding." Maybe he thinks you're too spineless to say anything that will embarrass him, but the truth is that you've been diagnosed with complex PTSD and the thought of speaking at his wedding at all fills you with dread. On the other hand, being the only sibling to refuse would also cause drama you don't want to deal with. How do you balance being genuine with not calling someone a cruel person on their wedding day? We'll try to find an answer to this and more here on Feedback Friday.
And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in!
Should you speak at the wedding of your brother who sexually abused you when you were eight, or be the only sibling to refuse and cause unwanted drama? [Thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Erin Margolis for helping us with this one!]
If you have a physical feature that might surprise someone you're meeting for the first time (like, say, type IV radial club hand), how can you put everyone at ease and defuse any potential awkwardness ahead of such a meeting?
In spite of going above and beyond in your leadership role during the pandemic, your boss "doesn't believe" in giving you a 5/5 star rating on your review because there's always room for improvement. On the other hand, you've been criticized for giving a subordinate a 3/5 for meeting expectations. If 4/5 is the best you can expect for exceeding expectations, how is such a system fair for anyone?
Your dad spent 10 years in prison.You'd enjoy making up for that lost time by watching movies and other low-key activities together, but he wants to party and go bar hopping (even though you're under the legal drinking age). How can you get him to reel in his wilder tendencies that make you uncomfortable without hurting his feelings?
At the end of the month, you'll be laid off from the company where you've worked for 15 years. If you're able to secure interviews for future job prospects before then, would it be dishonest to negotiate from the more powerful position of being currently employed?
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