How to Be an Unflustered Mom

Jul 20, 2023

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Yes, you can be an unflustered mom.

Identifying your anxiety style is the first step, says Amber Trueblood, a mom of four boys (currently ages 10, 12, 14, & 15) and author of The Unflustered Mom: How Understanding the Five Anxiety Styles Transforms the Way We Parent, Partner, Live, and Love.

“Anxiety is not one-size-fits-all. It doesn’t look the same for everybody,” Amber says. “What you’re trigged by is going to be different for what triggers someone else emotionally.”

Five Anxiety Styles

Amber says there are 5 primary anxiety styles:

The Fighter. Fighters “see themselves as survivors and protectors,” Amber says. They are compelled to act if they perceive a problem, and tend be more comfortable in chaos & challenge than in peace.
The Visionary. Visionaries are all about making a deep impact on the world. They feel anxious when others don’t understand (or see) their vision, or when life events prevent progress.
The Dynamo. Dynamos want achievement, recognition, and respect. They tend to be do-ers.
The Executive. Executives are driven by the need to feel emotionally safe. They are forward-thinking planners and organizers.
The Lover. Lovers are driven by relationships. They want and need to feel loved, appreciated, and valued.

Each has different emotional triggers and responds best to differing interventions and coping strategies. Each also has superhero traits that you can harness.

Learning how to manage your anxiety style can help you be a better, more effective parent.

“The more that you can be unflustered, the better you’re going to sleep and take care of your physical health. You’ll be able to think more clearly and respond more thoughtfully, consciously, and purposefully in every area of your life,” Amber says.

“You can have all the best parenting tools on the planet, but if you’re walking around like a cyclone of emotional instability, fear, anger, regret, and self-doubt, it’s really hard to be the best parent you can be.”