In this conversation, Ruthie Ackerman, a journalist and author of The Mother Code, explores her journey with maternal ambivalence based on family stories that shaped her perceptions of motherhood. Joy Harjo, the 23rd U.S. Poet Laureate, reflects on grief through the lens of her illustrated poem, Washing My Mother's Body. Together, they discuss the intricate bonds between mothers and daughters, the healing power of rituals, and how societal pressures can complicate personal choices around parenthood.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Poem as Ritual and Closure
Joy Harjo wrote the poem Washing My Mother's Body to process her grief by imagining the ritual she missed after her mother's death.
Writing the poem allowed her to symbolically wash her mother's body, offering the closure she couldn't have in person.
insights INSIGHT
Significance of Washing the Dead
Washing a deceased mother's body acknowledges the spirit's story and helps both the deceased and the living to let go.
This ritual offers a way to honor the life and support the spirit's transition.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Washing Her Daughter's Body
Joy Harjo experienced profound connection and ritual when washing her own daughter's body after her death.
This act offered a deep honor and acknowledgment of her daughter's life and spirit.
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This poetry collection is an illustrated version of a poem written to process grief. The book explores themes of loss, ritual, and the complexities of the mother-daughter relationship. It is dedicated to her late mother and reflects on the significance of performing a ritual after death to honor the deceased. Harjo never got to carry out an important ritual after her mother's death, but returns in the poem to take care of things left undone. The book emphasizes the importance of being present and honoring the lives of those who have passed away.
The Mother Code
The Mother Code
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Ruthie Ackerman
Ruthie Ackerman's "The Mother Code" is a deeply personal memoir exploring her journey to motherhood. The book delves into the complexities of her own desires and the societal pressures she faced. Ackerman recounts her experiences with infertility treatments, navigating a divorce, and ultimately finding love and building a family. The book explores themes of self-discovery, resilience, and the challenges of balancing personal and professional life. It offers a raw and honest portrayal of the emotional rollercoaster of becoming a mother.
New books by Joy Harjo and Ruthie Ackerman focus on very different moments in the life cycle of motherhood. First, Harjo's new book Washing My Mother's Body is an illustrated version of a poem she wrote in order to process grief. Harjo, the 23rd U.S. Poet Laureate and member of the Muscogee Nation, never got to carry out an important ritual after her mother's death – but returns in the poem to take care of things left undone. In today's episode, Harjo speaks with NPR's Leila Fadel about that ritual and the potency of the mother-daughter relationship. Then, journalist Ruthie Ackerman grew up hearing family stories that made her believe she shouldn't become a mom. But years later, she learned pieces of those stories weren't true. The Mother Code is a new memoir exploring Ackerman's indecision around becoming a parent. In today's episode, she speaks with NPR's Juana Summers about viewing maternal ambivalence as the norm.
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