NPR's Book of the Day Two authors consider how being a daughter shaped their relationship to motherhood
May 30, 2025
In this conversation, Ruthie Ackerman, a journalist and author of The Mother Code, explores her journey with maternal ambivalence based on family stories that shaped her perceptions of motherhood. Joy Harjo, the 23rd U.S. Poet Laureate, reflects on grief through the lens of her illustrated poem, Washing My Mother's Body. Together, they discuss the intricate bonds between mothers and daughters, the healing power of rituals, and how societal pressures can complicate personal choices around parenthood.
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Poem as Ritual and Closure
- Joy Harjo wrote the poem Washing My Mother's Body to process her grief by imagining the ritual she missed after her mother's death.
- Writing the poem allowed her to symbolically wash her mother's body, offering the closure she couldn't have in person.
Significance of Washing the Dead
- Washing a deceased mother's body acknowledges the spirit's story and helps both the deceased and the living to let go.
- This ritual offers a way to honor the life and support the spirit's transition.
Washing Her Daughter's Body
- Joy Harjo experienced profound connection and ritual when washing her own daughter's body after her death.
- This act offered a deep honor and acknowledgment of her daughter's life and spirit.