Dr Terri Apter: The Complexities of Grandparenting

In this week’s 4-Quarter Lives, Avivah Wittenberg-Cox talks with Dr Terri Apter, psychologist and author of the recently published Grandparenting: On Love and Relationships Across Generations. They discuss the evolving role of grandparents in modern family dynamics and how becoming a grandparent changes relationships with every family member, from adult children to in-laws. Terri categorizes grandmothers into three types: Feminists: Who provide childcare to support their daughters' careers; Radicals: Who prioritize their own independence; and Subversives: Who engage with grandchildren in unconventional ways. She also highlights the evolving role of grandfathers, who now offer hands-on support, sometimes more than they did as fathers. Teens, especially boys, often trust grandfathers most. She discusses alternative ways of grandparenting for those without biological grandchildren, emphasizing mentorship, community involvement, and the role of step-grandparents. This thought-provoking episode reframes grandparenting as a dynamic, multi-generational negotiation, filled with love, shifting expectations, and social change.

Terri Apter, Ph.D. is a psychologist and prize-winning writer. Her books on family dynamics, identity and relationships received international acclaim. In addition to her most recent book Grandparenting: On Love and Relationships across Generations, they include Altered Loves: Mothers and Daughters During Adolescence (a New York Times Notable Book of the Year), and The Confident Child (winner of the Delta Kappa Gamma International Educator’s Prize). Her reviews and articles have appeared in the Guardian, the TLS, the Financial Times, the New York Times Book Review, and the Psychologist, and she is a regular blogger for Psychology Today. Raised in Chicago, Terri moved to the UK to study at Edinburgh University and Cambridge University, where she has worked ever since.

Some Useful Links:

* Terri Apter’s website

* Buy Grandparenting here (UK)

* Buy Grandparenting here (USA)

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