The Truth Behind a Mother’s Lies with Carmen Rita Wong
Oct 23, 2023
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Journalist and author Carmen Rita Wong discusses her personal memoir, revealing the truth behind her complicated relationship with her parents. She reflects on the impact of her mother's mistakes on her own parenting and finding forgiveness. Wong shares her journey of discovering her biological father's lies and the challenges of navigating a new culture. She also explores the complexities of mother-daughter relationships and the healing power of writing.
Discovering a big secret about her identity prompted Carmen Rita Wong to question her mother's choice to live a dishonest life.
Carmen emphasizes the importance of finding one's own identity separate from the expectations and narratives imposed by family.
Deep dives
Discovering a Big Secret
Carmen Rita Wong shares the story of discovering a big secret about her identity at the age of 31. Raised in a web of lies, Carmen's mother had the opportunity to tell her the truth before her passing, but instead, she told another fabricated story about Carmen's father. It was only through DNA testing that Carmen learned the truth. The experience prompted her to question why her mother had chosen to live such a dishonest life and explore the role that her family played in perpetuating the lie.
Navigating a New Cultural Identity
Carmen recounts her upbringing in a vibrant and multicultural neighborhood in the Bronx, where she felt a strong sense of belonging and community. However, her life took a turn when her family moved to a predominantly white middle-class neighborhood in New Hampshire. Carmen shares the challenges of assimilating into a new culture and the experiences of racism she encountered at a young age. However, she also reflects on how this experience taught her how to navigate a predominantly white world and ultimately helped shape her understanding of her own identity.
The Healing Power of Self-Work
Carmen discusses the healing process that writing her memoir, 'Why Didn't You Tell Me?' provided. While it was a painful journey to unravel and confront the depths of her family's secrets, it also allowed her to gain a deeper understanding of herself. Carmen emphasizes the importance of therapy and self-reflection in this transformative process, noting that therapy alone is not enough. One must actively engage in self-work to truly grow and evolve. Through this work, Carmen has been able to find forgiveness and understanding for her mother, separate her own identity from her family's expectations, and build healthier relationships.
The Significance of Family and Personal Identity
Carmen emphasizes the importance of finding one's own identity separate from the expectations and narratives imposed by family. She shares her strong bond with her brother, Alex, who supported her throughout her journey, and the deep connection she feels to her Chinese heritage through her stepfather, Poppy Wong. Carmen challenges the notion that a person's identity is solely defined by biology, asserting that family is comprised of those who show up for each other and love and accept each other unconditionally. She encourages listeners to embrace their own unique story and experiences and define their own path.
Kayla is joined by journalist, finance expert, and author Carmen Rita Wong to talk about her extremely personal memoir in which she unpacks the complicated relationship with her parents and own identity. It wasn’t until after her mother’s death that Carmen learned the truth of her biological father and to the extent in which her parents went to feed the lie. She reflects on how her mother’s mistakes impact her own intentional parenting and how to understand parents as the individual humans they are without forcing forgiveness.