Apple News In Conversation Rebroadcast: Should you cut ties with a family member? A therapist offers advice.
Nov 27, 2025
Clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement and author of The Rules of Estrangement, shares insights on the rising trend of family rifts, especially during the holiday season. He reveals the complexities behind estrangement, including relationships impacted by divorce and political divides. Joshua critiques standard therapist advice as often unhelpful and emphasizes the importance of empathy and vulnerability in conversations. He also discusses his own estrangement, offering practical tips for reconnecting with loved ones.
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Therapist's Personal Estrangement Story
- Joshua Coleman describes being estranged from his daughter after remarriage and twins, which became the most painful episode of his life.
- He reconciled by becoming more empathic, taking responsibility, and finding truth in her complaints.
Don't Use Standard Reactive Tactics
- Avoid reactive strategies like demanding contact, insisting 'she'll grow out of it,' or only setting boundaries without empathy.
- Coleman warns these common therapist tips often alienate estranged adult children further.
Divorce Fuels Many Estrangements
- Divorce is the most common pathway to estrangement because it reshapes alliances, brings new people in, and can pit family members against each other.
- Coleman notes estrangement also occurs when adult children use cutting contact to create separation from overly enmeshed parents.
