Relationships, Intimacy and Sex with Arthritis

Navigating intimate relationships while managing a chronic illness can be tricky - how and when do you disclose your disability?  How do you experiment with sexual positions without “ruining the mood?” Is it possible to communicate with your partner in a way that’s respectful and empowering?

In this episode, five panelists share their best advice for *all* aspects of romantic and intimate relationships, including: 

• Communication tips for all stages of relationships, from first dates to marriage
• How to workaround fatigue that makes it hard to get “in the mood”
• Positions that work for wrist or hip pain
• Lubes that work for dryness
• Workarounds for jaw pain during oral sex
• How do disabilities or health conditions contribute to power dynamics in relationships
• The importance of emotional connections
• The importance of self-love and respect
• Why STD prevention and protection are particularly important for people on immunosuppressive medications
• Panelists’ best advice for newly diagnosed patients who might be worried about how their condition will affect their sex life and relationships

*Trigger warning - in minutes 30-40 there are descriptions of pressuring and coercion into sex without protection

**This episode discusses adult topics (sex) and includes explicit language.

Minute by Minute breakdown:

Episode breakdown:

• 02:00 - Introduction to panelists: Chloe, Jo, Ali, Paulina & Cheryl.
• 3:20 - (Chloe) How juvenile arthritis affected her relationships 
• 07:55 – (Jo) How Jo learned the importance of communication
• 11:42 – (Ali) Learning to experiment with positions and work around fatigue
• 16:20 - (Paulina) The importance of communication & emotional connection
• 23:00 - (Cheryl) Reflection on power dynamics in relationships.
• 24:25 – (Chloe) Strong emotional connections affect vaginal lubrication.
• 25:22 – (Chloe) How jaw pain affects oral sex & workarounds, + how fatigue affects sex.
• 33:00 – (Cheryl) The importance of STD testing for partners due to immunosuppression from meds. Experiences feeling pressured in relationships.
• 36:00 – (Chloe) Experiences feeling pressured in relationships. 
• 37:45 – (Jo) Tips for positions and lubricants.
• 39:00– (Ali) Being cautious when dating, how to work around fatigue, tips for positions and communication. 
• 43:14 - (Paulina) Your partner is not a mind reader. Tips for lubricants for sensitive skin & positions.
• 51:00– (Ali) Best adult toys to use for arthritis.
• 53:00- (Chloe) Communication & practicing positions 
• 55:00 – (Cheryl) How sex is an “Activity of daily living” according to occupational therapy. Reflection on sex education now versus in the early 1990s.
• 58:30 – (Paulina) Tips to increase sex drive and address your own pleasure.
• 1:01:00 – (Chloe) Advice for anyone recently diagnosed.
• 1:04:00 (Jo) – Final thoughts and advice, disclosing when you are dating online
• 1:06:00 (Ali) – Final thoughts
• 1:07:00 (Paulina) – Final thoughts and advice

LINKS discussed in the episode

• Where to follow panelists on Instagram: Cheryl @Arthritis_Life_Cheryl, Chloe @xchloeumplebyx & @_chronically_happy_ and on Etsy at SpoonfulOfChronic, Jo @thejosphere, Ali @Anotherdaywithra, Paulina @with.paulina and @_chronically_happy_
• Rheumatoid Arthritis Online course - link for the waitlist! 
• Versus arthritis - Sex & Arthritis booklet
• RA and Intimacy article from Arthritis Foundation
• Citation: 70% do not reach orgasm (climax) through penetration alone and require clitoral stimulation
• Vibrator recommended: Satisfyer Pro Traveler - Clitoral Vibrator
• Free Handout: Cheryl’s Master Checklist for Managing RA
• Cheryl’s Facebook group: Arthritis Life Podcast, Practical Tips & Positive, Realistic Support
• This episode is brought to you by the Rheumatoid Arthritis Roadmap, your guide to a full life with RA. It’s an online program Cheryl created to give people tools to confidently manage their social, emotional and physical life with rheumatoid arthritis.
• Medical disclaimer: All content found on the Arthritis Life public channels was created for generalized informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

*For full speaker bios, see www.myarthritislife.net