10CBF: A Podcast for Blended Families
S3-E5: 'Struggling with Self-Identity and Special Needs in Stepfamilies' with Dr. Sonia Cann-Milland
Today's guest is Dr. Sonia Cann-Milland!
In her own words: "I have my own private practice that offers education and counselling to all those who are a part of a stepfamily. Before the establishment of Renewed Beliefs, I completed my Ph.D. titled; Establishing Stable Stepfamilies: The Perspectives of Recoupled Parents, Educators and Family Services Professionals.
I have three articles published in academic journals related to three different issues impacting stepfamilies. I love research and writing on this topic. More importantly I am passionate about utilizing research in a practical way. My ongoing goal is to continue counselling stepfamilies and offering education to churches, schools, and professional service providers to give them a greater insight into effectively working and supporting stepfamilies.
I have been counselling for over thirty years now and during that time realised I needed a greater understanding of the complexities of stepfamily life. Of course, my research has been of great benefit in giving me greater insight into the lives of stepfamilies. Being a mother of 28 yrs. And a stepmother of 15 years in my own stepfamily has taught me so much also. I have learnt much about myself and the complexities that come with our beautiful family. My husband and I are also, proud grandparents of two beautiful grandchildren. I do not see my stepfamily as two failed nuclear families remarrying, but simply a family formed differently to a nuclear family in which I am very proud."
Dr. Cann-Milland is based in Australia, where she lives and has her practice.
Quotes:
"Role confusion made life difficult...I was defining myself through everyone else's eyes."
"Treasuring your couple relationship is important--remember that your couple relationship is younger than your parenting relationship, and so it needs to be nurtured purposefully and regularly."
LOVE (acronym for better understanding):
Listen to learn-What does your partner want you to understand?
Oneness-Focus on the shared value that is under threat
Validate-Let your partner know that you've heard them
Embrace-acknowledge where your partner is currently
Resources:
Books by Ron Deal https://www.amazon.com/stores/Ron-L.-Deal/author/B001IR1MA6?ref=ap_rdr&store_ref=ap_rdr
Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamilies by Patricia Papernow https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Thriving-Stepfamily-Relationships-Doesnt-ebook/dp/B00G6MQLXQ