Pushing The Limits Episode 131: How To Reset Your Mindset
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Transcript of the Podcast:
Speaker 1: (00:01) Welcome to pushing the limits, the show that helps you reach your full potential with your host, Lisa [inaudible] brought to you by Lisatamati.com Speaker 2: (00:13) Well, hi everybody. Lisa Tamati here and I am once again with Neil Wagstaff. How are you doing Neil? I'm good, I'm very good. And tonight Neil and I, this is just before Christmas that we were recording this and we want to, you know, we're coming up to new year's and time to reflect on what you did this year and it might be playing for next year's goals that you want to sit out. And we thought we would do a session on resetting your mindset. I knew. So we want to go over some tips and tricks and some things we use. Think about when you're setting goals and how you going to be able to stay on the right track more often. So first of all, you've got to set some goals. I knew where do we go from here? Speaker 3: (00:56) Is this the best place to start? Make sure there's a, there's a goal in a goal in place and make sure it's a clear goal. Make sure it was well outlined and make sure, most importantly, once you've got the goal in place, you understand why you are doing it. Speaker 2: (01:09) Why, why the why, the why. The why is a really important fact to see if you have a goal in itself. It's, it's in it. It's nothing. It's just a piece of paper that you wrote something or it's all of those. It's when you start unpacking the why that you want to get this goal. That's when you come into the emotional triggers and your values and all this sort of stuff that actually creates the action that actually creates the, the, the ability for you to overcome the obstacle obstacles in order to get to that goal. So it's really important to understand your why. Now when you're working with a client, what do you do to pull out the why if you like, Speaker 3: (01:53) Hey, it's, it's really making sure it's down in your, it's written down in your words, your language. It's, it's used, used the words that you, you actually come out of your mouth, the language you use. So as an example of someone had been very stereotypical, says they're gonna they might not want to lose weight and I'm going to then continuously ask why. And it's like literally peeling back the layers of an onion. So we want to, as you said, get deeper and deeper, fond at the emotional reason that's driving that. And once you keep putting back the layers, why, why do you want to lose? Why'd you want to lose weight? Well, I want to lose weight because I want to feel more confident. Okay. Why do you want to feel more confident? Because I want to be able to comfortably company run half marathon. Speaker 3: (02:33) Okay. And why'd you want to run the half marathon? Because I want to be a good role model for my children. Okay. And why do you want to do that? Because my dad wasn't a good role model to me, so I want to step up now, make sure that I'm really a straight to my children, that I'm moving and being regularly healthy. And am regularly active is, is what we need to do to, to move forward in a productive way. Once you get all those layers back, we've then got the words that you jump out. There will be things like confidence, health activity, role model, and then we can put that into a statement that actually means something. And that's the key thing is the statement that the all clients have in front of them should mean something to them. And then that statement, we are statements to write down on paper and then that is then put somewhere that they can see it on a regular basis daily. Speaker 3: (03:21) And for some people who are really encouraged to actually rewrite it on a weekly basis. So whether that's taught into update it into a Google doc or it's actually written down and rewritten. So that is just front of mind writing. We've, the experience I've had and firstly from doing myself actually having to write it out, just brings it back front and center again. You know, I want to be, for me, my key words that have been, I've been enrollment of my children being a superhero for them. I want them to look up at me like I'm a, I'm a superhero, so I want to remind myself that on a regular basis so that that's my why and once I put that clearly in my head, understand and let me do a little bit of work on purpose as well, but that's probably another podcast in itself. Speaker 3: (04:00) But really once you've got the goal written on paper, clearly there, then that is what you're going to base your daily decision on. Because if you really want to get to that and achieve it and get to that half marathon, do it in a time. You won't be the wrong mode. You want be the be the superhero you want to be. Then each day when you're making your decisions, you make your decisions purely based on your goal that's clear in your heads. And if it's not clear and you don't understand why, then it's so, so easy to take the wrong path and make the wrong decision each day because you're not very, very clear on what you're doing. If you're a hundred percent clear on what you're doing and taking the right path and making the right decision is a whole lot easier. Speaker 2: (04:38) Yup. And we have like two to 300 decisions a day to make. And so this is really, really important that we have these goals and these are the reasons why in the front of our brain all the time that it's how, and I actually find two that actually working that physically on an old fashioned note and piece of paper much better than on a computer. I find that it just, it gets in your brain more, you know, and you have it in front of you. And when we come to, I call them lawyer folk in the road, each decision that we have as a fork in the road and I can just decide to go lift, which will lead me to the path towards more success than the other one is away from the goals that I want to have. And if we take the, you know eating chocolate, what am I definite weaknesses in life is a chocolate and right. Speaker 2: (05:22) So when I come to the decision, I actually want to eat less chocolate. The chocolate sitting there in front of me and I can decide I'm going to either eat it because it tastes good or I can stick to my goals, which won't be to lose weight or to, to have a healthier diet. And then when I understand the why behind it, I can take a little bit more of a zoomed out view instead of just the taste and the immediate impulse. So we as human beings tend to run on Sudi sick and decision making impulses. And if we can to lay a decision for just a few seconds, sometimes we can override then impulse to just stick the chocolate in your mouth. Right? And, and so w when we zoom out a little bit and we see what's around the corner, cause often we come to a fork in the road and all you can see is the chocolate. Speaker 2: (06:12) Yes or no. You can't actually see you like you, you're not thinking about, well if I eat this chocolate and I do this behavior repeatedly is obviously one piece of chocolate isn't going to be a problem. But if I do this behavior repeatedly, then around the corner as perhaps disease round the corner is obesity around the corner was diabetes. And, and while negative health outcomes I say, and not a motivator, it's still a good thing to be able to zoom out and to understand, well actually I want to be fit. I want to feel good. When I got to the beach, the sear on the summer and we my bikini, I, I want to, you know, whatever it is that moves and motivates you, seen as more likely to be at least a ten second sex discussion in your mind about whether you're going to do it. Speaker 2: (06:56) And sometimes you'll start to win in those discussions. If you can just delay the impulse a little bit is as human beings we and this is scientists speaking, not me. We all go towards pleasure and away from pain. We don't like to move ourselves towards painful decisions. And, and when I first heard this, I was like, I don't agree with it. I, I, you know, running a marathon definitely can be painful. I knew, you know, or an ultramarathon there's a hell of a lot of pain and discipline and overcoming yourself. And they said yes, but you're still going towards pleasure because you bigger goal. And again, we're looking at the zoomed out view is actually leading you towards more pleasure. The goal of having the marathon done the middle around your neck, that, that feeling of achievement. So you are moving towards pleasure and that pleasure is bigger than the pain of having to overcome yourself to get out the door to go training this morning. Speaker 2: (07:54) Does it make sense? So the pleasure and pine thing, it can be just an immediate impulse, the pleasure of that Tyson, that chocolate is going to make me eat it right now. Or I take a slightly zoomed out view at the bigger goal and w w w worked towards the pleasure of being fitter and stronger and losing weight or whatever the goal is. And remember, this stuff is not just about food and training. This is not just about that. This is what every goal you have in your life and your career and your business. If you can take this, this method, if you like, this framework that we're trying to give you and see this as a real fork in the road. Get a picture with a, you know, a tree in the middle of the road that goes left in a road that goes right and picture that in your brain. And when you come to those decision points, try and think about what's around the corner and what is my bigger goal and zoom out a little bit and at the beginning, Neal, isn't it? Isn't it true that when you be stopped starving you habit, it's a really tough road at the, Speaker 3: (08:56) This is real, real hard and it's not. If it was easy, then we'd all be doing the right stuff all the time, but it's a real, what's worked for me personally and everyone we're working with is just really, you've got a fork in the road and just understanding that doing small things consistently will can lead you down the bad road. So consistently, as you said, in chocolate in small pieces daily will eventually lead to the you somewhere. You don't want to be consistently having four or five coffee today daily. In the short term it provide pleasure, but in the longterm it's going to take it somewhere you want to be. If you flip it round and often the Creighton, the new habit, it feels quite overwhelming. There's going to be a real big, big challenge, but if you just pick one or two things and work out, if I consistently do those day in, day out, it doesn't need to be massive things. Speaker 3: (09:45) It could be simply walking for an additional 15 to 20 minutes a day. It could be drinking a little bit more water each day. It could be something real simple, but you work out. I consistently do that and I do that every day, day in, day out. Then all of a sudden the path to the pleasure and the longterm goal gets a whole lot easier. So it's not massive things you need to look at and that's where a lot of people end up taking the wrong puffs. It's actually just too much to do and it's really not. It's consistently just the little things. And to your point, looking at 30 seconds of immediate pleasure looking out across and above that and into the future and seeing that, right? If I just leap frog over that go this way, then all of a sudden the results start coming. Speaker 3: (10:27) Health changes, body changes, how you're feeling changes. And now it becomes easier to make, make more future future decisions by agreed, yes. The habit for me is is the tough part, but consistent little bits each day and work out what are you willing to commit to? What can you commit to? Because a site, a lot of people's at, if you could be 50% further ahead from where you are now, would you take that and everyone goes, well yeah, so it's not like we're asking you to make a huge change. If you can make some a 50% improvement, which percentage wise doesn't sound massive, but some changes that are quiet re give you 50% improvement. That's goal. If you're 50% in three months time than you are today. That's some big improvements from a health point of view. Some big improvements from a fitness point of view, big improvements from a mindset point of view, big improvements from a business point of view. Whatever you apply this to is it gives you some big, some some big wins and I'll ask the question as well. What's the one thing if you did it consistently each day, who would make the biggest difference to your goal? Yeah, Speaker 2: (11:27) The 80 20 rule. Yeah, exactly. Speaker 3: (11:29) One thing that I'm trying to do. Lots of little things. What's the one thing that will give you the biggest, best bang for your buck? What that out and then just go go at that. Because in a amongst time you're going to be glad this is Speaker 2: (11:42) In chopping things up into little bits that you can handle when you hear it. You know, it's like that analogy that I've used a lot of times about running through New Zealand and being totally overwhelmed by the thought of this 2000 plus kilometers and mum going to me just get to the Dame through Apple for status. Stop thinking about all that stuff. You know like if I say to, I'm going to eat healthy for 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of my life, that's never going to happen. Cause on I myself, I know I'm not always going to win and that's okay. But if I say to myself like, I'm going to have five good dinners this week and I'm going to, I'm gonna not have a takeaways or something, then that's a small goal and I can manage this week and I'm focusing on just one or two things at a time. Speaker 2: (12:25) There was also, you know, when you, when you make a habit and you, you, you starting to develop a new habit, it takes about 60 days for the brain to be able to actually make a new pathway in the head. So we have what they call neural pathways. Now these are habits that you've formed and connections in your mind that make it, then the brain is very lazy and then it wants to use as little energy as possible. So when you create a pathway in your mind that repeat so behavior over and over again, it goes, Oh, this is easy. And it's, you've got a real big highway. If you can imagine you've made a big deep groove and the in your, in your brain, we're not physically but I a deep highway, that this is where the traffic is going every day and the brain knows this pathway. Speaker 2: (13:13) It knows this behavior. And so it becomes a, the path of least resistance. So how that translates to habit forming is it in the first few weeks, you're going to find it royally, really tough cause you're going to be running all willpower and decisions and the goals that you've set and having this front of mind and that requires some willpower. But willpower will, will run out on, you can tell you will run out on you. But what doesn't run out on ya is the fact that you've created this new neural pathway, this, you've created this habit. And then it actually becomes easier for the brain to just to, you know, I did the social example. I have a morning routine. I get out of bed, I do some stretching exercises, I go and have a cold shower, horrible. And then I'd gotten him a better leader or a vegetable juice. Speaker 2: (14:02) And it's not life stuff. It's horrible. You know, it's what, it's what I should be having. And that's the way I start my day. And it's a good thing because I'm sitting my day out. But at the beginning it was like, Oh, this is awful. Now my body does it without even thinking. It just goes. Because that is the habit that I've created over many, many months. And so now it's actually quite normal for me to do it. And it's actually a, I can seal it when I, when I travel and I don't have my blender or whatever with me and I can't do my routine. It's like, Ooh, don't feel like right. Usually because I haven't had that routine to follow. So it gets easier as we do these things. And so just get through those first couple of weeks and then already really it will be easier. Speaker 2: (14:46) And when you get to 60 days, it'll be a piece of cake, you know? But so the Brian moved type their path of least resistance once you've set that up. So another little trick that I use Neil, and I've done it if you use this one, is if I'm don't feel like training for example, own like, you know, feeling what and I don't really want to and I'm unmotivated and I know that I've got a race coming up or I've got something that I want to achieve. A little trick that I use to get myself going is that I count backwards from five, four, three, two, one. And when, you know, every movie in the world has got that, you know, with, we're going to lift off in 10 seconds, 10, nine, eight, seven, six, even if you just do it from five to one, it creates this impulse of action because you've heard that so many times and you, you, you know, they don't. Speaker 2: (15:38) Zero, you're going to take off. So, and there's a whole book written on this about just counting down from five to zero. And by the time you get to zero, you'll just go and do without ruminating, without thinking and overthinking. Do I feel like training today? Do I not feel you need a bloody feel like I can tell you when you've had a hard day at work and you know things have gone wrong, you'd just rather go home and I put a bottle of wine. We all feel like that, but if you can go and put your gym clothes on or your running clothes on, I have a bargain with myself. I'm just going to get changed and then I'll say and once I put my clothes on, usually I'm like, cool, I feel more athletic already and I've actually done this thing and I'll, well I'm here now. Speaker 2: (16:22) I might as well just do a little warmup and see how I feel and then I start warming up and then all of a sudden my body starts to kick into gear. My body warms up, it gets ready for action and then we're off. We're off to the races, but I hate to overcome myself each and every bloody time actually people is, it's not just like, you know, Oh are you one of those motivated athletes who loves to give them the gym everyday? No, there are very many days when I do not feel like going for a run when I do not feel like going to the gym. But that's a little trick that I use to get my app Speaker 3: (16:56) The road. Exactly. We've been, you know, you said at the start at least it's having that fork in the road and setting yourself up, giving yourself signs valid. I like to put signs that direct me in to that, to the, the right fork in the road. So last night, it's good example. We've we've had a few nights this week. We've had friends around for barbecues and things like that. This morning is, I definitely getting up and going for a run. So I put my spiky ball. I used to roll my feet before a run. I'll stick that on the wood on the workbench before I went to bed last night, made sure I knew where shorts, t-shirt, have fines were for my, my phone's heart goes to my music when I'm running. All those things are out shoes by the front door. So when I got up this morning and walked into the kitchen, all those, they're the signs for me. Right? Not rolling your feet, trying to the, it was, there was no reason because the easy thing to do, if those things weren't there, then all of a sudden I'm off down Speaker 2: (17:50) The, the other path, and this is what I want everyone listening to understand is the people will look at often look at you and me and other people like this guy and they just get up and do it. It's easy. It's, it's not, it's not. But what we've got better at doing is, is really getting our minds and in the position to make the right decision. And that some of the time you need to, you need to do things like you've described things that I've described where you put your sign up, they put them up, you make it easy. And then you have your your accountability partners in place as well. The people that are going to ask you like in the day, how was your run? The minute I came down to the, to the gym this morning to jump on the podcast with you as I walked in, it was couple of memes I'd already told and couple of the team who had already told I was going running. Speaker 2: (18:34) First thing else was how did you run feel so much better explained to them how great the run was rather than saying, Oh yeah, so that and that, that's where you start to get the, the feeling success as well and that's the bit you is never no way that I want to walk in this morning and go that didn't do it. So when I saw the people I knew I was going to see, right, they were my accountability partners who are even realizing they were going to be my accountability partner. It says if they pay pressure that they are good prefers. Yeah. And we are all part of a, you know, they talk about the herd mentality and I like to call it like a Wolf pack. Really. You know, you're like, you, you're part of a pack and a when, when someone just exudes a little bit of pressure on you or makes you accountable, it's gonna make you go, you know, it's gonna make you go a whole lot more. Speaker 2: (19:21) Another example, my husband Heisley, he, he's had a hell of a week. The Farber gave some mess of big fires, you know, lots of overtime, three days, three nights. I haven't seen him in, in a week and tonight on his schedule was a 35 K run because he's preparing for the unity ultra, which we've got coming up in March, which is 84 Ks and you know, I all signed to him last night when if you have another really bad shift night then you know, you might want to shift that. And luckily last night wasn't too bad but he had everything prepared. You know, he had all his gear out, he had the foods that he needed, he hit the water all prepared. He had his literal lights all done. He had prepared his mind all day yesterday for the beta lets coming today. And he just came in the house before to get some headphones and then he ran back out again and carried on his way. Speaker 2: (20:09) And he's on a mission and he's happy because he's, he's actually doing the thing that he set out to do and he prepared himself for it, even though he's had a hell week. And I've said to him after this, you need a bloody good break and you need to sit and watch YouTube for a while, you know? And then it's okay. And it's understanding that as well that you need that downtime. But that's a classic example of somebody who's prepared themselves and his prepaid, the mind for the battle is to come and he's out there doing it right now. So, you know, and that makes me proud of him and in what he's doing. So home, like we have got the unity ultra coming up. I just wanted to mention that while we're talking about it. So I, I'm invested at for the unity ultra, which is a a 51 mile or 83 K's, I think it is down in Christchurch in March of 2020, if anyone is interested in doing this. Speaker 2: (21:01) This has been done is a to commemorate the victims of the Moscow techs. And Christchurch, one of the organizers lost his auntie in this horrific event and was moved to as a run out wanting to do something and Koran golfs. And he asked his friend who's a rice organizer and who does a lot of charity events to come and help organize this event. And they're actually over in Bali at the moment, running another event. But this one is going to take place on the 20th of March 20, pretty 20th to 22nd of March. And so it's one day of running, but it's a whole three day of beans around, you know, sinking in, in, in showing solidarity to the people that were affected by this horrific event and honoring the 51 people who died in, they'll see lives. And we're also going to be raising money for the red cross to help refugees who are being set up in New Zealand and needing some help and support around and the, you know, establishing themselves in New Zealand. Speaker 2: (22:03) So a great cause, a great reason to be doing it. So if anyone is wanting to find out more about that, you can go to the unity oprah.com. And, or reach out to us and we can tell you more. So that was just an a little bit of an aside. But going back to the goal setting into this year, like we're coming up to the end of the year, we've got the new year's resolutions coming in. 90% of people who sit new year's resolutions, I don't know what the actual statistic is, but it's pretty horrific. Do not follow through with it. So I don't be one of those statistics this year. Be one of the ones that's, it's some really good, well thought out goals. Start to understand your why behind these goals and then start to understand what it's going to take to get there, break it down into small bite sized pieces and then start developing the habits that will get you there and understand that you are going to fall off the bandwagon. I knew you're not going to be perfect, Speaker 3: (23:01) So if you need help then there's a whole process, quite detailed process we take off on through understanding their goals, their purpose, their why, what their purpose in life, what they're doing is, is as we've talked about many times before laces when you achieve your goals, there's a lot of other factors that come into it and that's what we can help you with. If you want to, we can take you through a goal setting session, a purpose session at the start of the year and then tie that back to what you're doing, the chances of you been successful in achieving it. If you've got support around you, if you've got coaching around you. We use, we use coaches ourselves. We use mental, mental ourselves for that reason because we know we're going to be a much higher chance of being successful and achieving our goals if we've got support around us. So we create that around us with own mentors and our own coaches and we can help you guys and go through it as well. So if you need help with it, reach out. Where's the best place to contact this list? Speaker 2: (23:54) I'm Lisa tammany.com [inaudible] website. And you can contact us via that. You can see all our programs. We have our epigenetics program, which is what Neil was talking about there. So we go through this process, but we go through this with the lens of looking at your particular set of genes. A very an incredible program that we've talked about a couple of times and we are actually going to get onto doing some sessions on the genetics program that we have in the next few weeks. We've been saying it for a couple of weeks and the idea would be to get onto it, but it's actually a really amazing program that will give you insights into your genes, what they're doing, how they're expressing and what recommendations and trying to understand who the heck you are. This is the biggest power in this is not just the food lists and having lists of foods that you're going to, that, that are going to be good for your body and in times of the day that you should be exercising and what types of exercise. But it's also about how your mind works in relation to your genes and how you were, how you were made. You know, it goes right back through embryology when you, and your mom's tummy, how you developed, what we, what energy went into the different systems. And I won't go into it now because it's very, very detailed and scientific and we need our you know, probably five or six podcasts to get through it all. But we have a huge result. So this and we're just, Speaker 3: (25:20) I'm really my skill set in and finding your purpose easier. Cause once you know who you are, how goal setting process and, and the purpose process becomes so much easier because you've got the tools to really, really, really help you choose the right fork in the road. Speaker 2: (25:35) Yeah. And understand how you operate. You personally, what is it that your dominant hormones are and how is your mind set up for action? You know, and we know you know, Neil and I worked together and we have both crusaders and this is one of the epigenetic types biotypes and we both very, you know, mission driven and very on a mission all the time and in huge goals and things. And we know that other people operate differently. And we can as coaches now talk to them in a different way, motivate them in a different way because they need to hear different things and what we need cause we taught the person, if that makes sense. So we will be going into all that. If you want to chicken out or really you can help onto our website, at least the lisatamati.com Hit the programs button and you'll see our three programs, our online run training program, our epigenetics program, and our mindset Academy, which is all about mental toughness and developing war emotional resilience and mental toughness. So check those all out. Have a great Christmas guys is upon us account believers and if you're listening to this afterwards yeah, I'm sure we would've had great Christmas. Any last words you want to add to before we wrap up the holiday period? Enjoy the Christmas. Have a great new year guys, and enjoy Tom and your family and loved ones. Yeah, sounds like a bloody good idea to me. So you guys, yeah, Speaker 1: (27:00) That's it this week for pushing the limits. Be sure to write, review and share with your friends and head over and visit Lisa and her team at lisatamati.com.