Psychology In Seattle Podcast Cheating On Your Abuser
21 snips
Oct 20, 2025 Explore complex dynamics of abusive relationships and the nuances of infidelity as a survival strategy. The hosts delve into a listener's experience of 17 years of escalating abuse and an affair with a pastor. They discuss the patterns of control, the exploitation by the pastor, and the difficult choices victims make to find safety. The conversation also highlights the importance of rebuilding self-connection and understanding shame in healing, offering insights on how to navigate relationships that are 'less bad' but not safe.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Long History Of Entrapment And The Affair
- Nicole described a 17-year marriage marked by escalating jealousy, control, and isolation that mirrored her chaotic childhood home.
- She sought help at church, entered a seven-month affair with the pastor, and later was branded the "temptress" when exposed.
Control Masks Attachment Anxiety
- Kirk explains many abusers use control to create an illusion of trust because they cannot build trust vulnerably.
- That control strategy causes victims to sacrifice autonomy and to live in constant fear.
Isolation Enables Gaslighting
- Kirk highlights that abusers isolate victims so the abuser becomes the sole reference for reality, enabling prolonged gaslighting.
- External intervention (police, family) often provides the contrasting validation victims need to awaken.
