Kerre Woodham: The sewage and filth that fills social media after a tragedy

I said yesterday when I left you at midday that I thought I'd brought you one of the nicest stories that we'd done all year, which you clearly loved, and one of the saddest. The nicest: the interview with the musical director of the Auckland Pasifika Secondary Schools Choir, the choir who sang the national anthems for New Zealand and South Africa at Eden Park. The saddest: the shooting of a police officer, the fatal shooting of Tom Phillips, and the recovery of three children who had spent four years being force marched through rugged bush by their father.  

What made it sadder still was the bile and the sewage that filled the text machine and social media and is still doing so. You probably never see this sort of thing, and I'm glad for you. You don't know the inner workings of some of your fellow New Zealanders' minds. People that you might work with or play sport with, or heaven forfend live with, because you can choose to disengage. And you should, you absolutely should. It chips away at your soul when you read some of the stuff. Just how much some men loathe women. How much some men loathe authority. Who think shooting a police officer is justified. Who think the old “if I can't have her, nobody else can” trope that sees so many ex-partners end up dead, and in this case, “if I can't have them, nobody else can have the children, they can't see anybody else but me” - who think that's justified. Maybe in the fullness of time, when all the details come out, the angry men might think differently. I would hope so.   

And you always get the superheroes after every tragedy. Pike River, the Rena, Whakaari-White Island. Every single time, you get the superheroes who would have put their underpants on over their trousers and would have solved the situation earlier, and quicker, and more expediently, and they knew what to do and they'd have saved more lives. This case is no different. There are so many people who think they would have found Phillips and the children with just their knowledge of the stars, a bit of beef jerky and a good dog. And possibly they could have. But there was so much more at play here, as the Police Commissioner told Mike Hosking this morning.  

RC: We have always been very, very concerned, Mike. We knew that we were dealing with an armed, a dangerous, and a very motivated individual in Mr. Phillips. And we had to be very, very cautious about the approach that we have taken. You know, that played out yesterday morning in a way that we suspected it could, which is not something that any of us wanted, but our assessment of the situation over the last four years has been spot on. And, and that was shown yesterday morning when we confronted, Mr. Phillips, he shot one of my staff and, and we, we had to return fire. And, we have always been concerned that may be exactly what occurred, and of course that may also involve, the children.  

MH: The thing that's bugged me the whole time is this community thing whereby somehow this guy's a hero, or he's allowed to do what he wants to do, or he's, I don't understand that. Do you deal with that? Is that common in rural New Zealand?  

RC: You mean in respect of Mr. Phillips?  

MH: Yeah.  

RC: He's not a hero.  

There will be inquiries. There'll be reviews of processes, of how things could have been done differently and possibly better, and that says it should be. But I don't know how you speak to, connect with the men who are so angry, so alienated, so self-pitying, that they think the shooting of a police officer is justified, and taking three children hostage in the bush for four years is the action of a loving father.

I mean, already here it is. “How can you defend the cops? They shot a father dead in front of his child. That child will be screwed up for life”, says Ben.

You don't think that perhaps four years on the run in the bush might have done something to them? God knows what he was telling them. You don't think the fact that he pulled out a gun and shot a cop might have been the reason he ended up dead in front of his child?

See, this is what I mean? That isn't the action of a loving father.

The loving dads, the hero dads, in my mind, are the ones who put their own anger and their sense of grievance behind them, and who turn up and show up for their kids, who accept the kids aren't their property, that children have a wider community of family and friends who love them and who the kids deserve to be around. They're the hero dads.

So often on the radio, I only hear from the 2%. It's a well-known stat that of the 100% of people who listen to talkback radio, only 2% will ever ring. I think the stats are probably higher. I haven't seen those for those who text.

It would be amazing today if the reasonable people, the rational people, the ones who appreciate our police, and the ones who know what it is to swallow your pride, to swallow your grievance, to swallow your hurt, who know what it is to be a good mum or a good dad, took the time to ring and text. It would be really lovely if you used your voices today.

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