The Lost Maternal Instinct - Erica Komisar | Maiden Mother Matriarch 50
Jan 28, 2024
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Erica Komisar, psychoanalyst, parent coach, and author discusses the detrimental effects of long hours in daycare, the importance of developmental windows in a child's life, the impact of mothers working on children's well-being, the two-income trap, shifting cultural values, the painful relationship of mothers with work and motherhood, and differences in maternal and paternal instincts.
The early years of a child's life (zero to three) are crucial for brain development and require parents to provide secure attachment and emotional regulation support.
Full-time daycare for young children can have negative consequences, and prioritizing mothers' workforce participation over child well-being fails to consider long-term effects and mental health issues later in life.
Deep dives
The Importance of Early Years in Child Development
The podcast episode discusses the critical importance of the early years of a child's life. It emphasizes that this period, from zero to three years old, is when a child's brain development is most susceptible to the environment and undergoes significant growth. The speaker highlights the impact of secure attachment and the role of parents in helping children regulate their emotions and cope with stress. The episode also acknowledges the impact of the Industrial Revolution and modern societal pressures in prioritizing economic development over the well-being of children.
The Negative Impact of Full-Time Daycare
The podcast episode raises concerns about the negative consequences of full-time daycare for young children. It challenges the mainstream opinion that it doesn't matter who takes care of the child during the zero to three age range, emphasizing the importance of child development during this period. The episode suggests that the push for maximizing tax revenue and promoting full-time daycare as a means to boost mothers' workforce participation fails to consider the long-term well-being of children. Research is mentioned that correlates insecure attachment and premature separation from mothers with mental illness, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and aggression in later life.
Challenges of Balancing Work and Motherhood
The podcast explores the challenges faced by mothers in balancing work and raising children. It acknowledges the societal pressure for women to return to the workforce quickly and the economic necessity for many families to have two incomes. However, it critiques the notion that meaningful work and financial stability should come at the expense of prioritizing children's emotional well-being and attachment bonds. The episode highlights the need for a cultural shift to recognize and value motherhood as a crucial and meaningful role in society. It also suggests exploring alternative work arrangements and flexible options that allow women to integrate meaningful work and parenting responsibilities.
Differences in Maternal and Paternal Instincts
The podcast delves into the differences in maternal and paternal instincts. It discusses how the caregiving and soothing aspects often come more naturally to mothers, while fathers tend to excel in playful interactions and coming up with inventive games. The episode highlights that these instinctive differences are not coincidental, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and understanding these divergences in parenting roles. It suggests that appreciating and cultivating these distinct instincts can lead to a more balanced and enriched parenting experience.
My guest today is Erica Komisar: psychoanalyst, parent coach, and author of 'Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters' and 'Chicken Little the Sky Isn't Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety.'
In the first part of the episode, we spoke about the importance of the early years, including the role …
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