Healing the Tigress Ep. 13 - The Invisible Struggle of Miscarriage & Secondary Infertility with Val (@thewabisabimama)
Recently we had an episode on the decision to have just one child, but there is another side to “one and done” families who may not be this way by choice. We offer a Trigger Warning before you listen that this episode does talk about miscarriage.
For this episode, we sit down with Val from @thewabisabimama to talk about her motherhood story. Val is a fourth-generation Japanese American mother, who shares the beauty of imperfections and impermanence in motherhood—the meaning behind the Japanese phrase “wabi sabi.” She also shares on her Instagram account the ways she is trying to keep her family’s cultural heritage alive and how she is creating her own family traditions with her son.
In this episode, we talk with Val about how she may be one and done, but not exactly by choice. During the first half of the episode, we hear about Val’s experience with her son’s colic and her experience with postpartum depression. In the second half of the episode, we dive into the feelings of grief over a miscarriage Val had a couple years ago and is still perhaps not done grieving.
The topic over this miscarriage is more complex in Val’s situation because she had actually mentally prepared to be done having kids, but then she got pregnant again and had a glimmer of hope for a brief window. After the miscarriage, Val ran more tests and then learned that secondary fertility was in the picture.
Val shared with us that even though she is grateful for her son, it’s hard to be in the “one and done” group especially when she does wish to have another child. But she is trying to find and come to the peace of having a single child family. We talk about the grief and gratitude around this and about normalizing the invisible grief over miscarriages in general.
We hope this conversation might be helpful for anyone who is still grieving a miscarriage or hoping to expand their family know that they are not alone in these feelings.
Find more of Val at:Instagram: www.instagram.com/thewabisabimama
Other resources:Jasmine's Substack Newsletter on being "One and Won"
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Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you need more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.