Memoirists do the generous work of letting us into their lives, and then there are ones like Melissa Febos who also graciously entertain all the new questions their work inspires. Melissa lets me in on the elements of her life and experiences that I’m curious about, from people’s reaction to her job as a dominatrix (as documented in her book Whipsmart) to her year-long trial of celibacy (the focus of her newest book, The Dry Season). Melissa is a writer both precise and elaborate, and I can’t help but compare her to many of the literary greats. We trace the roots of her compulsive behaviors and discuss how seeking new ideals for love and connection can help to find passion in the everyday — even in a conversation.

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An Hour with Melissa Febos About a Year Without Sex