The Longing Lab Psychologist Giulia Poerio on limerence and mind wandering
Episode 21 Psychologist and mind-wandering researcher Dr. Giulia Poerio shares recent research describing characteristics of limerence, who might be predisposed to it, and potential techniques that help alleviate limerent thinking. Due to the lack of understanding of limerence in clinical communities, she describes how it is often misunderstood or misdiagnosed.
Dr Giulia Poerio is a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Sussex in the UK. She has broad research interests and has published widely on mind-wandering, emotion, sleep, imagination, and ASMR. She completed her PhD at the University of Sheffield where she explored daydreaming about other people and its emotional impacts. She then held 2 post-doctoral positions over 4 years. Her first was at the University of York on a grant researching the neural basis of mind-wandering and spontaneous thought. Her second was at the University of Sheffield on a grant researching the impact of the arts, imagination, and narrative immersion on wellbeing. Connect with Giulia here: https://profiles.sussex.ac.uk/p514955-giulia-poerio
In this episode, (in order) we talked about:
*Characteristics of limerence: hyperfocus, propensity to mind wandering, attention to detail, difficulty regulating thoughts, extreme sensitivity to rejection
*Potential predispositions to limerence: adverse childhood events, attachment styles, daydreaming, anxiety, depression, ADD and autism
*The importance of getting good sleep to regulate intrusive thoughts
*How limerence is similar to the initial stages of falling in love
*The potential benefits of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and ACT (acceptance commitment therapy)
*Is “no contact” the way to go
*The importance of finding a personalized approach to healing
*Misdiagnoses due to a the lack of understanding of limerence in clinical communities
*Whether unrequited love has to be a necessary condition for limerence
*How the LO often has qualities that you feel you lack, so people often feel like their LO’s are narcissistic
*How the uncertainty of hookup culture fuels limerence
*Potential new areas of research
Quotes
“In terms of romantic longing, it’s both ecstasy and agony…an anticipated loss.”
“If you looked at a person’s semantic network (connections of meaning) between the limerent object and other things in their life, there’d be some hyperconnectivity b/t that person (LO) and absolutely everything else. You can relate to this when they’ve had a breakup, and everything reminds them of that person.”
“There are many ADD traits that could be linked to limerence: hyperfocus (ability to become absorbed in certain things at the expense of others), propensity to mind wander, difficulty regulating thoughts. These characteristics maybe don’t cause limerence but might make it more difficult.”
“Of 235 survey respondents who said they’d previously experienced limerence or were currently in a limerent episode: 66.4% reported another mental health or neurodevelopmental disorder, the average number of limerent episodes were 7, average age was 33.90, average shortest episode was 15 months, average longest episode over 5 years, average age of onset is 17.”
“The fantasy fuels it, so if you poke holes in the fantasy (like disclosing interest to the LO), it takes away what keeps limerence going.”
“What I found really interesting from reading people’s descriptions of the kinds of fantasies they would have about their limerent objects was that, yes, there are elements of sexual reciprocation, but a lot of it is about wanting to be seen and to be loved and accepted.”
“If you are someone who gets absorbed in experiences and that’s fueling your limerence, find another outlet, one that’s