Everything is Everything Ep 126: Understanding Human Sexuality
Nov 24, 2025
Explore the fascinating complexities of human sexuality, from evolutionary perspectives to the nuances of attraction. Discover why men lean toward visual cues while women favor narratives in their mate choices. The discussion dives into how romance, jealousy, and even ovulation influence behaviors and preferences. Unravel the interplay of instincts and modern challenges, and gain insights that encourage self-discovery and personal agency. It's a thought-provoking journey that challenges what you know about desire and connection.
01:18:26
Life Lessons Meetup In Goa
- Amit and Ajay describe an in-person Life Lessons meetup in Goa that exceeded expectations.
- The event showed how communities of choice create deep, immediate comfort among participants.
Sexuality Is Biology Plus Culture
- Human sexuality combines biology and social conditioning, so we often misunderstand our desires.
- Studying both what we do and why (evolutionary causes) reveals clearer patterns of sexual behavior.
Know Yourself To Gain Agency
- Know your sexual instincts so you can choose how to act rather than deny yourself.
- Use that knowledge to increase empathy for others and exercise agency over impulses.
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Intro
00:00 • 6min
What and Why of Human Sexuality
06:02 • 4min
Evolutionary Explanations and Key Books
10:15 • 4min
Why Studying Sexuality Matters
14:25 • 6min
Caveats and Logical Fallacies
20:24 • 5min
Statistics, Averages, and Individual Variation
25:07 • 3min
Broad Evolutionary Learnings
27:45 • 3min
Attraction: Youth, Beauty, Status
31:03 • 1min
Romance and Jealousy as Adaptations
32:31 • 1min
Headline Finding: Visuals vs Narratives
33:37 • 1min
Men Favor Visual Cues
34:59 • 4min
Porn Reveals Male Preferences
38:40 • 8min
Women Need Narrative
46:44 • 4min
Women: Memory, Verbal Skills, Connection
50:31 • 2min
Psychological vs Physical Arousal
52:45 • 4min
Power of Or Versus Power of And
56:34 • 54sec
Romance Novels as Female Mate Choice
57:28 • 6min
Ovulation, Signals, and Behavior
01:03:32 • 3min
Additional Observations and Homosexuality
01:06:49 • 4min
Sexual Selection, Intelligence, and Gender Roles
01:10:35 • 3min
Jealousy Differences and Reproductive Logic
01:13:57 • 2min
Know Yourself and Use Agency
01:15:51 • 2min
Outro
01:17:45 • 37sec
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A Blank Slate
Steven Pinker
Steven Pinker's 'The Blank Slate' argues against the traditional view that the human mind is a blank slate shaped entirely by experience.
Pinker presents evidence from genetics, neuroscience, and evolutionary psychology to support the idea that human nature is influenced by innate traits and predispositions.
He examines topics such as violence, gender, and social inequality, arguing that understanding our biological nature is essential for addressing social problems.
The book challenges the notion that all differences between individuals are due to environmental factors, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of human behavior.
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The Evolution of Human Sexuality
Don Simons
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A Billion Wicked Thoughts
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Sai Gaddam
Ogi Ogas
In this book, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyze a vast amount of online data, including web searches, erotic stories, videos, and personal ads, to understand human sexual behavior.
Their research highlights the differences between male and female sexual cues, with men's brains resembling a 'reckless hunter' and women's brains acting like a 'cautious detective agency.
' The book provides insights into why men are attracted to images and why women's desires are harder to predict, offering a revolutionary understanding of human sexuality similar to Alfred Kinsey's work in the 1950s.
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Henry Hazlitt
In 'Economics in One Lesson', Henry Hazlitt provides a concise and instructive introduction to economics by dissecting common economic fallacies.
The book's central lesson is that good economics involves considering the long-term and indirect consequences of any policy for all groups, not just the immediate effects on a specific group.
Hazlitt uses examples like the 'broken window fallacy' to illustrate how focusing only on immediate benefits can overlook the broader, often negative, consequences.
The book advocates for free markets, economic liberty, and non-governmental solutions, making it a critical read for understanding basic economic principles and the pitfalls of government intervention.
#1768
• Mentioned in 19 episodes
The Evolution of Desire
Strategies of Human Mating
David Buss
David Buss's "The Evolution of Desire" explores the evolutionary basis of human mating strategies and preferences.
Buss integrates evolutionary theory with empirical research to explain patterns of attraction, mate selection, and relationship dynamics.
He examines the differences between men and women's mating strategies, considering factors such as sexual selection and parental investment.
The book challenges traditional views on relationships and offers a compelling perspective on the biological underpinnings of human behavior.
It's a significant contribution to the field of evolutionary psychology.
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Seeing Like a State
How Certain Schemes to Improve the Human Condition Have Failed
James C. Scott
In this book, James C. Scott examines the failures of centrally managed social plans and the destructive consequences of high-modernist ideologies.
Scott argues that states often impose simplistic visions on complex societies, ignoring local, practical knowledge and leading to disastrous outcomes.
He identifies four conditions common to all planning disasters: administrative ordering of nature and society, high-modernist ideology, authoritarian state power, and a prostrate civil society.
The book critiques various utopian projects, including collective farms, compulsory villagization, and urban planning, and advocates for a more nuanced approach that respects local diversity and practical knowledge.
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The Flame and the Flower
Kathleen E. Woodiwiss
Published in 1972, 'The Flame and the Flower' is Kathleen E. Woodiwiss's debut novel, set at the turn of the 19th century.
It follows the story of Heather Simmons, a penniless orphan, and Captain Brandon Birmingham, as they navigate love, adventure, and societal norms.
The novel is known for its vivid descriptions and complex characters, marking a significant departure from the typical romance novels of its time.
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• Mentioned in 30 episodes
The Moral Animal
Why We Are the Way We Are
Robert Wright
In 'The Moral Animal', Robert Wright delves into the world of evolutionary psychology to explain human behavior, emotions, and moral conduct.
The book uses Charles Darwin's life and personal conduct in Victorian England as a case study to illustrate how evolutionary forces shape human behavior.
Wright discusses topics such as jealousy, altruism, and social class, arguing that many of our actions are driven by subconscious genetic strategies aimed at survival and the propagation of our genes.
The book also explores the paradox of how moral and responsible actions can emerge from a strictly Darwinian interpretation of human behavior, suggesting that understanding our evolutionary past can help us override our primitive programming and develop a more common moral outlook.
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The selfish gene
Lalla Ward Richard Dawkins
Richard Dawkins
In 'The Selfish Gene', Richard Dawkins presents a gene-centred view of evolution, arguing that genes are the primary units of selection and that they behave selfishly to ensure their own replication.
The book explains concepts such as kin selection, inclusive fitness, and the evolutionarily stable strategy, highlighting how these mechanisms can lead to altruistic behaviors in organisms.
Dawkins emphasizes that the 'selfishness' of genes is a metaphorical concept, describing their evolutionary consequences rather than any intentional behavior.
The book has been influential in shaping modern evolutionary thought and remains relevant today.
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• Mentioned in 83 episodes
The Game
Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
Neil Strauss
N. Strauss
In 'The Game', Neil Strauss chronicles his transformation from an 'average frustrated chump' (AFC) to a successful pickup artist.
The book recounts his experiences living among the seduction community, learning from gurus like Mystery, and adopting the pseudonym 'Style'.
Strauss shares numerous seduction techniques, his encounters with celebrities, and the psychological and social dynamics involved in the pickup artist culture.
The book also explores the author's eventual realization that these techniques, while effective in picking up women, were not conducive to forming meaningful relationships.
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• Mentioned in 4 episodes
Principia ethica
George Edward Moore
Principia Ethica, published in 1903, is a seminal work in ethics that shifted the study of ethics from normative questions to issues of 'metaethics,' the study of ethical concepts.
Moore critiques conventional ethical theories and introduces the concept of the 'naturalistic fallacy,' which argues against conflating moral terms with natural properties.
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• Mentioned in 20 episodes
The Mating Mind
How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature
Geoffrey Miller
In 'The Mating Mind,' Geoffrey Miller proposes that the human mind evolved not just as a survival machine but as a courtship machine.
He argues that many of the distinctive human traits, such as language, art, music, and morality, were developed as fitness indicators and sexual attractors.
Miller draws on Darwin's theory of sexual selection and integrates ideas from psychology, economics, history, and pop culture to explain how these traits were shaped by the sexual choices of our ancestors.
The book suggests that once language evolved, thought itself became subject to sexual selection, and that human courtship is a primary driving force behind human evolution.
The most complex part of human nature is our sexuality. What do we want? What do we lust for? Where did these instincts and feelings arise? WTF even?
Welcome to Episode 126 of Everything is Everything, a weekly podcast hosted by Amit Varma and Ajay Shah.
In this episode, Amit looks at the cutting-edge literature on the What and Why of human sexuality, using insights from evolution — and the revealed preferences of all of us. In other words, this episode is about YOU.
TABLE OF CONTENTS: 00:00 Packaging00:13 Intro: Life Lessons in Goa05:48 Life Lessons Montage06:28 Chapter 1: The What and Why of Human Sexuality14:01 Chapter 2: Why Does This Matter?20:00 Chapter 3: A Few Caveats27:21 Chapter 4: Some Broad Learnings33:13 Chapter 5: One Headline Finding34:43 Chapter 6: Men Prefer Visual Cues46:19 Chapter 7: Women Like Stories52:18 Chapter 8: Psychological Arousal vs Physical Arousal56:50 Chapter 9: Romance is the Porn for Women1:06:22 Chapter 10: Some Interesting Observations
For full show notes, please click here!