Healing Conversations for Men Who Have Sex with Men Addiction and Trauma are Closely Intertwined with Andrew Susskind
Andrew Susskind is a Licensed Clinical Social Work, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, and Certified Group Psychotherapist based out of Los Angeles. Andrew specializes in relationships, mid-life transitions, sexual recovery, trauma, and addictions. He is the author of the new book, It’s Not About The Sex, where he takes a deeper look at compulsive sexual behaviors, brokenheartedness, and a sustainable way to become emotionally sober. In today’s discussion, Andrew shares why he shies away from the term ‘sex addict’, the connection between childhood trauma and addiction, and some of the benefits of positive psychology.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:35] Andrew shares a little bit about his background and why his focus has been on trauma and addiction.
[2:30] In his book, It’s Not About The Sex, Andrew states that sexual compulsivity is not about the sex, it’s about broken-heartedness. What does he mean by this?
[6:45] Andrew doesn’t personally see sexual compulsivity as a disease. The reason why someone becomes addicted is a lot deeper than you might think. It begins from birth and when there are no role models for intimacy in this young child’s life, they’re left to figure things out on their own.
[11:35] Andrew doesn’t agree with the term ‘sex addict’ as a way to address or define someone. The word in itself can produce shame or make someone feel like there’s something inherently wrong with this behavior. At the end of the day, it is how the person perceives these behaviors to be. If the person is being affected negatively by them, then it should be addressed.
[12:35] When someone stops these negative behaviors, that’s unfortunately just the beginning. The long term solution is to look deeper into childhood trauma and brokenheartedness that lead to these behaviours, and the end-goal would be to strive for emotional sobriety.
[18:30] During the therapy process, one of the things Andrew looks for is when the client has an ‘okay day’. It might just be okay, but Andrew wants to hone in on those feelings, those emotions, and harness them so that their brain can develop new pathways for enjoyment and love.
[24:00] From what Andrew has seen, early childhood trauma in general makes it much more likely that someone is going to develop compulsive sexual behaviors. The good news is that there’s a lot of effective treatments out there that can help an individual toward recovery.
[27:15] Andrew is excited about the new possibilities that have opened up for his clients when it comes to using positive psychology methods. By expressing gratitude, having forgiveness, recognition of personal strengths, and taking a look at purpose and core values, an individual can be transformed with a completely better outlook on life.
RESOURCES:
QUOTES:
● “I really see the two as inseparable. Trauma and addiction really go hand-in-hand.”
● “I don’t use the term sex addict as often. There’s an implication that there’s an apology or it falls under the disease model somehow, or there’s something inherently wrong.”
● “A lot of folks think if you cut off the behaviors, you’re all better. And, actually, I tell my clients you are at the starting gate once you stop the behaviors.”
● “The simple way of thinking about emotional sobriety is when somebody’s more comfortable in their skin, when they really feel like they are not anxious all the time.”