The Practice Listening! Episode

Jun 19, 2024

Ask episode

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

Send us a text

Check-In:

What was your favorite job? And why?

Big Ideas:

move from shallow questions to deep questions
freedom, pace, connection
autonomy and connectedness are part of the motivational factors of humans
autonomy within a group, leaning into the group rather than isolation
independence, dependence, and interdependence
3 types of conversations - the practical conversation (What's this really about?) , the emotional conversation (How do we feel?), the social conversation (Who are we?)
context matters and appreciate what type of conversation to have
when we are having different types of conversation with others, there is a mismatch and information doesn't get through
meta-communication - talking about the type of communication
we communicate through our emotions
we aren't rational beings but emotional ones
recognize the nuance of other people's communication, and ask questions about their emotions without becoming emotional myself
exercise where Theresa shared something meaningful with another person, and that person was instructed to be completely indifferent - Theresa had a strong emotional reaction
our bodies speak to us if we listen
holding multiple emotions at the same time - even if they seem competing emotions
the 3 types are all in a multidimensional space
communicate about ourselves, about the relationship, and about what we want
emotion comes from the relationship we have with ourselves and others
communication is like an orchestra, and certain aspects of it play louder
cognitive dissonance - when evidence goes against what we believe about ourselves
confirmation bias - sort out information that doesn't vibe with who we think we are
when social media feeds our biases
learning about the full humanity of people, and seeing their values, beliefs, history, and let go of the data to reduce polarization
people agree a lot more than we think
when we can listen deeply in some contexts but not others
teach people how to be curious and ask deep, profound questions
political system is based on making arguments, not on asking questions
how much our childhood plays a role in our communication skills
how story-telling about what people say or don't say interferes with our relationships
emotional expression in professional settings is not fully expressed
if a lot of books have been written on listening, why do we still not listen well
we fail to practice listening to the emotional and social aspects of conversation
stereotype threat - prime yourself on your multi-dimensional roles to overcome the threat
being a good talker doesn't make you a good leader
the training and book doesn't do anything for you

Resources:

Supercommunicators, by Charles Duhigg
Friedemann Schulz von Thun, German Psychologist
Nancy Kline's deep listening