Relationship Truth: Unfiltered Coaches Takeover Series – People-Pleasing & Insecurity
Welcome to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, where we bring truth with love to the tough topics of emotionally destructive relationships.
In today’s special Coaches Takeover episode, Leslie Vernick team coaches Diana Bala and Susan King dive into people-pleasing, insecurity, and the transformative path toward freedom in Christ.
We’re fresh off our 5-Day Insecurity Coaching Challenge—and in this conversation, we’re going even deeper.
In This Episode:
A recap of the 5-Day Insecurity Challenge:
Self-doubt
Shame and guilt
Perfectionism
The inner critic
People-pleasing
- Highlights from the week:
- Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
- Experiencing Scripture in new, life-giving ways
- Recognizing the hidden faces of insecurity
- Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
Key Insight: The Many Masquerades of Insecurity
Diana and Susan unpack the ways insecurity often masquerades as something good—but at a cost:
✅ Kindness
- Saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict
- Underneath: fear of rejection, desire to be liked
- Truth: Kindness includes boundaries
✅ Humility
- Downplaying strengths, deflecting compliments
- Underneath: fear of being judged, imposter syndrome
- Truth: Humility is not shrinking
✅ Responsibility
- Overfunctioning, taking on others’ problems
- Underneath: need to feel needed
- Truth: Healthy responsibility knows what is yours and what is not
✅ Peacemaking
- Avoiding hard conversations, keeping silent
- Underneath: fear of conflict
- Truth: Real peacemaking requires courage and truth
✅ Flexibility
- Always going along, hiding preferences
- Underneath: belief your needs don’t matter
- Truth: Flexibility shouldn’t erase you
Why Do We People-Please?
- To avoid conflict, rejection, or feeling like a burden
- It often begins in childhood:
- Conditional love or safety
- Messages like “Be a good girl,” “Don’t upset your father”
- Approval as currency for worth
- Conditional love or safety
How Do We Transform?
Change your inner narrative:
“I must earn love” ➜ “I am already worthy.”
Embrace agency, reclaim your God-given identity, and practice compassion for the part of you that learned to survive by pleasing.
🌟 Featured Tool: The Truth & Trade ExerciseA simple, powerful way to interrupt people-pleasing patterns:
1️⃣ Pause & Name the Pattern
- Notice when you’re saying “yes” when you mean “no”
- Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I don’t please?
2️⃣ Identify the Hidden Belief
- E.g. “If I disappoint them, they won’t love me.”
- “Saying no makes me selfish.”
3️⃣ Speak the Truth
- “My worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion.”
- “Boundaries create healthier relationships.”
- Biblical grounding:
- “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
- “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37
- “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
4️⃣ Make the Trade
- “I trade my fear of disappointing others for honoring my limits and values.”
- Then take the aligned action.
Next Steps
If you joined our challenge this week—you didn’t just learn about insecurity. You moved through it. But this is just the beginning.
If you’re ready to live out what you’re learning, join us in our Moving Beyond People-Pleasing Flexible Coaching Experience.
It’s time to move from:
- Performing ➜ Presence
- Guilt ➜ Groundedness
- Pleasing everyone ➜ Becoming your God-given self
👉 www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
Groups start this week—plenty of times to join!
Final Words
“Thank you for letting us be a voice in your ear and a companion in your heart. You are not alone. You don’t have to keep performing for love that’s already yours.”
We’re closing out our Coaches Takeover for the summer but will return in the fall!
Until next time—be kind to yourself, stay curious, and keep moving forward.
Learn More & Join Coaching: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
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