How does our upbringing and early childhood experiences affect our mate selection? Do we need to be “healed” to find a healthy relationship? Can the relationships we struggle in the most be places where we can heal and grow? Can trauma be a bonding experience and how is “trauma bonding” different?

Effy and Jacqueline explore the love-at-first-sight myth and try to parse apart the difference between attachment wound activation and attraction (and even arousal) - which can all feel confusingly similar to the nervous system when we meet a potential new partner if there’s unaddressed trauma. They discuss what it takes to nurture a relationship where there’s space held for mutual healing.

The TikTok that started this discussion can be found here. You can find the playlist of videos we curated while researching this topic here.

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Attraction vs. Activation: Trauma, Attachment, and Love at First Sight